“Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.” - Richard Niebuhr

—–

For a glimpse into what else I (we) have been up to… (aside from making, growing and birthing our 3rd son last year, leaving the job I was at for nearly 9 years, adapting to life as mom of 3, saying goodbye to friends moving miles and even oceans away,   and so on in life…)

We have a new/shared blog about our adventures in This Thing called “Church” and it is the blog that gets a bit more of my attention these days.

- kim

Five families, accounted for by 10 adults and 14 kids, gathered and ate yummy food and played and caught up on the ins and outs of life these days. As the evening wore on and families started the hustle to pack up before the meltdowns began, a few of us did dishes and kitchen clean up together. It made doing dishes enjoyable for the one time out of 150 that it seems we do them during the week. Natasha and I laughed as Meredith suggested half-jokingly, half-seriously that this is why communal living is so intriguing. We laughed because we had just talked about that a couple of weeks ago, so yes, we agreed.

(There really is something to the strength in numbers, yet purposefully simple type of living situation that intrigues me. But that’s for another time and conversation.)

Now home tonight, my heart is refueled. I say “refueled” because I know that much like a gas tank, that it will soon be depleted again. No, this is not a negative statement; it’s just true. The journey of life, the grind of every day living, is predictable yet purposeful and it is what it is. There is wear and tear, yet there is always something redeeming about the season or the circumstances, so I embrace it much like my c-section scar. Well, I am learning to embrace it. Sometimes the embrace is a hug, sometimes it’s a little more like I am having some wrestling move performed on me and I am pinned to the mat.

My season lately has been more like being pinned to the mat instead of running with open arms toward everything in life. (The exception of course is my sweet baby Seth and my boys. There is much more literal and metaphorical hugging there.)

Overall, life has felt defined by more change than I am comfortable with, and more on the way. Change of community, relationships, teams, connections, purpose and place. Time with our familiar community not only filled me up, but also gave me reason to pause and think about the future.

As I poked around in Kareena’s new kitchen putting familiar serving dishes and spoons away in new drawers and cabinets, and the young kids were underfoot and squealing as they ran through the house, I saw a picture in my mind of her daughters in this kitchen, but older. I first thought, “Yes, this is their home now for the many decades to come.” And in my mind I saw almost 6-year-old Ava as a stunningly beautiful teenager. And then I thought, “I hope she knows me when she’s this beautiful teenager.” And then I declared to myself, “Yes, we’ll be here.”

Such an idea had come up at dinner as we all were simply together, just being, laughing, sharing – living. Eric said how soon enough the kids will be self-sufficient to just run and play and then we adults really can just lounge on the deck and do whatever it is that you do as an adult without the invisible umbilical cords that still connect you to your highly dependent small toddler children.

So evidently it’s more than just me that pictures us being friends for many years to come. I’m so thankful for that tonight. In the midst of all of this change for so many of us, I’m thankful to picture a future where we are all connected and present in each other’s lives.

I’m hopeful that one day we’ll look at the pictures from tonight and say, “Oh look at that! That’s from before you went to Africa! That’s from right before Tenley/Ava/Quinn/Allie started Kindergarten, can you believe it? That’s from before _____________ happened! Wow, that’s before ______________ happened, too! Look how big and beautiful the kids are!”

And instead of those fill-in-the-blanks being circumstances of pain or loss (or exorbitant weight gain ☺ ) those blanks will be filled in by some of the best memories we will recall. We have some amazing days, years, behind us – the days of getting to know each other, births and babies and becoming the adults we are now. But hopefully what is before us will enrich and fill us and affect us for the better just as I would say that the years behind us have.

Tonight my heart is refueled and my mind can see a future that I want to embrace, even knowing that there will be wear and tear in order to get there.

And waiting for me tomorrow is my sink filled with dirty dishes, but oh well. Such is life for now.

Edinger Family Rwanda Letter - This links to a PDF you can easily download, print out, share, etc…

Yeah that sounds all dramatic. Oh well.

I finally got this song late last week because I love the band, got hooked on the guitar hook and knew I “needed” it. Then I actually listened to the words and smiled inside and out.

This is my song for this scene in life. It’s my song on change, on leaving, on moving on outside of the familiar. And knowing it’s a good thing. The words communicate one message while the feel of the music itself makes this bittersweet season of change not so bittersweet — more like a “roll down the windows and take a long drive with the sun warm and lighting everything up after a long, gray winter…”

Love it.

—-

You are a Tourist

[Death Cab for Cutie]

When there’s a burning in your heart

An endless fury in your heart

Build it bigger than the sun

Let it grow, let it grow

And there’s a burning in your heart

Don’t be alarmed

When there’s a doubt in your mind

‘Cos you think it all the time

Framin’ rights into wrongs

Move along, move along

When there’s a doubt in your mind

When there’s a burning in your heart

And you think it’ll burst apart

Oh, there’s nothing to fear

Save the tears, save the tears

When there’s a burning in your heart

And if you feel just like a tourist in the city you were born

Then, it’s time to go

And define your destination with so many different places to call home

Cos’ when you find yourself a villain,

In the story you have written

It’s plain to see

That sometimes the best intentions

Are in need of redemptions

Would you agree?

If so, please show me

When there’s a burning in your heart…

(This… Fire… Grows… High…)

—-

I grew up Catholic, so Lent was marked by Fridays of those nasty breaded fish sticks and fries for dinner. When I really embraced following Christ on my own, I can’t say that I did much to embrace the discipline of the season. It really has been only the last couple years that the thought of intentionally engaging in the meaning and practice of the season has tugged at my heart and mind.

This year is the right year, this year is the right season of life to challenge myself to follow through on those thoughts and nudges. There have been many challenges personally in the past year and especially recent months (and great things to celebrate) but for some reason I am stirred to act and participate in this historically transformative season in a very personal way. I guess if I’m already in the throes of challenges, difficult processes and changes, then why not work on some more core issues?

I know many people look at Lent as a time of giving something(s) up, ultimately a practice of intentional sacrifice that hopefully clears some space for some more intentional prayer and thoughtfulness to Christ’s life and sacrifice. The choices these days seem to be giving up Facebook (a wonderful time-waster), sugar/desserts, lattes, TV, etc. I know I could have done any and all of those things and I would have felt the pain of sacrifice for 40 days. But yesterday I really wanted to take some time to pray about the heart of the issues in my life and hear if there was something more or different that God wanted to reveal to me.

Since I’m third trimester pregnant, the idea of giving up and cutting out any kind of food for good sounded like trouble because it sounded like a recipe for failure and emotional disasters. I laughed when over breakfast Nate said we could give up sugar, and I almost asked him if he wanted to see me without sugar these next 6 weeks. I know theoretically it would be an absolutely fantastic idea that my midwife would probably support, as would my growing belly and butt, but come on. A pregnant hormotional woman without the hope of a scoop of ice cream at the end of the day of growing a child, parenting two young boys, working and doing life? That’s not just sacrifice for me – ALL would have to agree to that kind of sacrifice.

So anyway, I resorted to making a list. On my list were things I could actually do more of – like daily affirmations of others for instance. The things I could do less of or cut out all had to do with ”unnecessary things.” As soon as I stumbled on the word “unnecessary” and saw the pattern in my list of “unnecessary” things, I knew that was what I needed to be thinking about and focusing on for this season.

I realized I have a lot of areas of life where if I put into practice the idea of evaluating first “Is this necessary?” than I might really be surprised and challenged. It also reminded me of the teaching of Paul from Ephesians 4:

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

This is my list of “The Unnecessary Stuff”:

• Unnecessary internet surfing
• Food choices – pop, candy, crappy food, those extra sweets that a pregnant woman can far too easily justify having in excess
• Shopping
• Grocery shopping – going with the “Pantry Principle” here. Use what I have, shop minimally (milk, fruits/veggies, bread) and only go buy food that I need when I need it. Even if I am really excited to try a new recipe or make an old favorite, is it necessary if I am fully capable of making meals with what we have on hand?
• Excessive TV time
• Worry
• Talking about people or situations in a way that doesn’t reveal truth. – I tend to think too highly of my opinion and want to share it. Basically I need to practice putting on a muzzle.

My initial thoughts are if I more intentionally focus or practice evaluating what is necessary – in simple choices and actions, in relational situations, in challenging situations – then it clears some space for the truth of Paul’s teaching in Ephesians 4 to take root and bear fruit in my life. I wonder what else I will recognize in my life as over-indulgences or areas that I can listen for the promptings of “do this – it’s necessary” or “don’t, it’s not necessary.”

And since my boys are starting to howl at each other and C is doing the potty dance, it is necessary to be done.

I don’t know what it means to be back, but I do know I took a break and I look forward to writing a bit more in this particular venue than I have in the last 14 months.

I’m also toying with pulling out another blog that has been sitting dusty on the shelf for years as a place to process the particulars of this past and present season of life at church and in the Church. If I do, I’ll be sure to link it up.

In the meantime, a couple of things on my mind that I anticipate sharing about here…

* Lent – it officially starts tomorrow and for the past year whenever I have thought on Lent/Easter, I have had a tug to be intentional about the 40 days of preparation, sacrifice and reflection.

* My kids - my belly is expanding just as our family of 4 will soon expand to a family of 5 in June. I have been surprised at how excited I am for this baby and for our family to take this leap. I would have thought I would be more stressed out, anxious or caught up in the particulars of adjusting as a family whether it is physically, emotionally, financially, mentally. I’ll celebrate the excitement instead.

* Books – I’ve actually been trying to read and finish some books more in the past several months. I get easily distracted with books – if the pacing is not right, if something else catches my attention, if I am feeling lazy – and so I rarely actually finish a book, even if it is a good one. I’ve been challenging myself to finish – the good and the bad and the mediocre – and it has been rewarding.

One of the ways I’m challenging myself back to blogging is thinking about expectations. One particular expectation I’m letting go of has to do with the time dedicated to writing and how that affects the content. If I have 15 minutes I can write in the morning while the boys eat breakfast, then use the 15 minutes and count it. If I have 45 minutes, then use the 45 minutes and count it (and celebrate). Both are worthwhile since the writing process is really more for me right now. It might even mean unfinished thoughts or quick exits… which is actually just fine.

Today at church I sat near Tenley’s parents during our worship time. (Personally enjoyable, as they tend to really engage in time of worship through song…but I could quickly digress…) Anyway, as part of the Worship Planning Team, I knew what songs were going to come later and I knew what other aspects of the “service order” were coming, too. I knew that we were going to spend some time in prayer for people in Haiti. I also knew that we were going to celebrate the story of another “celebrity” couple that is now making local, national and even international news.

The dear young couple, Joel and Rachel Hoffman, have been living in Port-au-Prince for 4 months prior to last week’s earthquake. Their story of survival is a miracle. Nothing less. A pure, give God all the glory, miracle. So we celebrated as we shared a bit of their story, but we also continued to mourn and anguish over the past week’s events.

So somehow today right before we sang, “You are God Alone (not a god)” and the lines, “And right now, in the good times and bad, You are on Your throne, You are God alone…” I felt this indescribable not-quite-tension-but not-quite-peace moment. A few feet away are some parents with a daughter experiencing some pretty life-changing, following your dreams-type of circumstances. I know they are proud of their daughter. And I also know that they have also walked through some dark valleys in the past year as parents, which makes right now where there is love and support and laughter over something like Monday night “Bachelor” episodes, even that much sweeter.

Then a few feet away from them are two very dear people who are like Joel and Rachel’s spiritual parents, who spent a long night wondering if Joel and Rachel were alive, and who rejoice in their survival but also hurt for the hurts that they are experiencing physically, emotionally and mentally after having witnessed such a nightmare of devastation.

And we all sang. And we all worshipped. And we all acknowledged that God is on His throne. And I (think) we all meant it.

Today I realized a fraction more of the Power of God. (A significant revelation for me, but a fraction compared to what is.) It’s like there are some songs we sing that are songs of desperation, or songs where we are intimately recognizing our need to surrender to God, and hymns with rich theology and prayer-like language, and there are other songs where we can celebrate and “Sing Sing Sing” and be full of joy and wonder. But somehow this song, in the midst of seeing these people whose children’s faces have been plastered online in so many different ways…this song gave me a glimpse into this dual nature of the loving, tender, merciful God who we can trust in, but also this Alpha and Omega, sovereign, Creator God whose power “none can contend.”

It’s been a weird week, 180 degrees difference in thoughts from Monday night Bachelor viewing to Tuesday night earthquake praying. But all I know is that for all the ways that media can take any kind of story and run with it — the good, the bad, the heartbreaking, the devastating, the nauseating, the miraculous — I am so, so small. I know it could seem so trivial and insignificant to somehow correlate how the Bachelor fits into a blog post where the disaster in Haiti is mentioned, but I think God is big enough to handle my processing of life and worship and worship in life.

Pows & Wows

During our summer vacation at Cannon Beach, Nate instigated a new family tradition that has actually stuck: Pows & Wows. He got the idea from some retreat he went to, and we adapted it for family dinner time conversation. Call it a game, call it an exercise, call it a kid-friendly version of some sort of spiritual discipline. Whatever it is, it’s been a good thing this year. Each person has the chance to share a “pow” and a “wow” from their day. A pow is something that was not fun, not good, a bummer, a negative part of the day. A wow is the positive, the good thing, a good experience. There has been something really meaningful in bringing this to our family dinner time. Especially because family dinner time is usually one of the biggest “pow” parts of my/our day. Whether it is the battle over the food, the manners and lack-thereof, the whining and arguing and having to sometimes shout our wows as we attempt to ignore it all…ugh. It can be un-enjoyable.

But one of the ways we try to make it enjoyable is this act of reflecting. We try to say our Pows first because usually those are what are so fresh on the mind and heart. And it makes way for celebrating the wows.

With that, the 2009 Pows (the short list):

1. I did not see my soul-sister friend Freya in person one time. Absolutely unacceptable. Explainable, yeah. Sickness during the planned visit. Hundreds of miles between us; young, dependent children; responsibilities and various roles that don’t necessarily leave a lot of time (or money) for traveling and leisure time with dear friends…but all the same, this is one serious POW that has to motivate change in 2010.

2. Which leads in to the time with community thing. This past week afforded the opportunity for us to have a few hours with some of our dearest friends in a couple of settings. These are Wows. But overall, I would say that I (we, actually) often find ourselves longing for more quality time with people that we are honored to call friends. In all honesty, Nate and I sometimes get caught thinking that people don’t like hanging out with us. I can try to wrap it up in a joke, but I think this is one of the hardest things that we go through individually and sometimes as a couple. This is a recurring Pow, because I sometimes lay in bed at night wondering if people actually like me or if they have to put up with me. Sometimes I don’t think that but still just long for time sharing both the meaningful and trivial parts of life together. Then I get caught into thinking that I should be grateful for what I have and then I start to spiral into feeling bad for feeling bad and it just gets messy. But I think that we (at least me and the husband) are wired for connection with people and are ultimately trying to figure out how 24 hours in a day are optimally used given this desire.

3. Which leads to accounting for the unexpected. Definite Pow for the year is having a loved one dealing with the darkness of depression and addiction, which is much like a Category 5 hurricane with its ability to completely level “normal” life. Without going total Debbie Downer, this actually brings me back to the point of Pows and Wows. As I’ve recently been reading on the disease of addiction, one of the aspects of healing and recovery has to do with “accepting life on life’s terms.” I had to stop and re-read the statements as this ties into control and self-will issues versus acceptance. By no means are people with addiction issues the only ones who face this battle. Accepting life on life’s terms resonates because there are some parts of life that are just plain awful, major Pows…there are tragedies, self-inflicted wounds, thoughtless mistakes and plenty of longed for do-overs. I’m not trying to trivialize pain, but recognize that the whole point of our almost daily Pow & Wow sessions have been to find the reasons for thankfulness, for hope, for laughter and lightness of spirit. I hope that if we can teach our boys to recognize that Pows & Wows can co-exist, than perhaps that battle for the necessary acceptance of life sometimes will be easier for them.

So yes, some days there are countless wows and some days it takes some serious effort to think of just one. But that’s especially part of why I like it so much. Because truly, at the end of the day, we all have a wow to share. Don’t you think?

E: "Calum, do this!"

Instead, he shrieks.

WOW = Cannon Beach

Speaking of Cannon Beach in July…which I was, about 5 paragraphs ago…. I love Cannon Beach and this year when I think of CB, I also think of my sister. She was able to join us for most of our two weeks there in July as well as for a few days in March. I’m so thankful to have an almost 20-year old sister who wants to hang out with me and my family. Sure, the house is a sweet hook-up for her but I’m so grateful that I have had such quality time with her in 2009. Definite Wow.

Being silly...on the roof.

And also about CB in July… it is a place of beauty. It can be breathtaking at times. I hope I never lose my awe for God’s creation and creativity. Who thinks up things like starfish, let alone two-toned starfish?

Starfish

One of my favorite (repeated) times of life: Sunset at Cannon Beach

WOW = Coldplay concert

I love Coldplay and I love an artistic concert experience. I love that I got to see Coldplay and their return on the $100+ investment was such an incredible experience. And I especially love sharing that experience with good friends, sister and parents who also went. Oh, the bonus? The mini-stage about 20 rows ahead of us that I BOLTED to the moment they came towards it. (Yes, I used the stiff-arm a few times to get there. But who wouldn’t???)

Hello boys. So.Good.To.See.You.

Fantastical.

WOW = Trying out for Wheel of Fortune

Does it count as a try out if you don’t even get called up on the stage? Sure, why not!?! This isn’t a huge, momentous “wow” like vacations and concerts, but it represents a part of life that I want to celebrate: being spontaneous, courageous, silly and willing to follow a dream no matter how absurd that dream might sound to some. I have always loved Wheel of Fortune. So has my sister. We trekked to Chinook Winds, along with a couple other thousand people and gave it a shot. Did we make it? No. (Sister got a call back though! I think it had to do with the form I filled out for her, I said some of her hobbies were sketchbooking and daydreaming. They were well stocked with thirtysomething moms of young children I found out quite quickly during the audition games.) Anyway, I am sure some people thought it was borderline ridiculous that I packed up little C after church and drove an hour and a half for a very long shot at something so random, but I did. And it was worth it. It serves as a fun memory and little spark of motivation as I hope to follow more dreams and not just rationalize life away to the confines of only practical and logical living.

I guess the reflection on Vanna is the giveaway that she's made of cardboard.

WOW = Civil War with my Dad

I Love My Ducks. (Love them, love them, love them.) Prior to the 12/3/09 Civil War, I had been to two Duck games. One was with a friend during her freshmen year at UofO, and I wasn’t as avid a football fan as I have become in the last 10 years. The other one was the stinkbomb the 2002 team laid against WSU (the week after they beat Michigan.) The score was 35-2 at the half. Yes, that’s “2″ as in they only scored a safety. Anyway, back to this year. There was no stinkbomb at Autzen this time around from my Duckies. What a great game. (Seriously, the Rose Bowl loss is barely 24 hours old, and I can still get a warm fuzzy feeling from remembering the Civil War!) This was a “wow” for so many reasons. Yes, they won, it was dramatic (hello two fourth-quarter, fourth down conversions?), it was historic, hard fought and inspiring (hello Autzen crowd while the team is on D). It was an amazing finish to the regular season. And I got to go with my Dad because my Mom is so great and shared her ticket with me! I can’t remember the last time my Dad and I had time together doing something special. I know when I was in high-school he had to help me at the emergency room when I was quite sick…but that doesn’t count. When it comes to some of my passion for sports and especially those Oregon Ducks it’s easy to figure out where I get it from, so I am so glad that we have this memory to share.

Ducks 37 - Beavers 33. A bit excited.

And to close, a few more random WOWs, in picture form…

The boys like their books.

"Santa's Superhero" - with the power to spread Christmas spirit

Day trip hike at Silver Falls

Celebrating the New Year, "Brazilian"-ish style.

“Oooops. We forgot the saw. Oh well, Ray (the property owner) always has a saw on hand to help.” Up the hill we go. To the lot we pull in…and oh…there’s a chain with a lock blocking the entrance and no sign of Ray. Hmmm. We look longingly at the trees just sitting there, all peacefully rooted in the ground.

Ray's Christmas Tree Lot: CLOSED

“Where do we go next? I have no idea. Do you have an idea? I saw a sign down the road…” Oh hang on you are calling your mom and getting 14 different ideas while the boys begin the “Where are we going? What are we doing?” distress signals. (Tension building.)

Skip said tension and jump ahead to finding a new lot to get a tree where “U Pick, We Cut’ thankfully. Oh look! I asked the boys to smile for a picture and little C goes back to stand next to brother to have their picture taken! This never happens!

Wow! They are both smiling in my general direction!

The selfish mother I am asked for more. (Dun Dun Duuunn.) Next picture (in much better lighting mind you) involves big brother putting little brother in a headlock and slamming him to the ground, head first. Yes, I was snapping a photo at the beginning of the moment.

Ugh.

The next 10 minutes involved soothing, consoling, the use of the words “ridiculous” and “awful” unfortunately said aloud too many times, a quick finding of the tree by me while Dad and big brother were in timeout, an agreement that this tree would work, a cutting, payment and hoisting into the truck. Follow this with screams of pain from little brother as we put him back in the carseat. The 5 minute drive home determined the need to go to Urgent Care because little brother wasn’t moving his right arm. Just like the time he got “Nursemaids Elbow” last year. So, forget the afternoon of the family being at home together for a much needed change of pace and family time, and Plan B included Family Time in the small cramped room of  Urgent Care while kind Dr. Cal checked out little brother. Yes, I made big brother come on the sad adventure because I wanted him to see the pain his younger brother had to go through, especially if anything was broken, because I am so.tired. of big brother’s use of physical force on little brother. And there was no way big bro was staying home having fun with Dad while little brother was dealing with all this. Consequences, my dear child, consequences.

Fortunately for all of us, the second try of reattaching the elbow tendon or whatever it is called worked, and within minutes, my little man was restored. Nothing broken. No x-rays needed, just a painful and awful-to-watch twist and bend of the arm. Not to mention it was now 2 o’clock and smack in the middle of what would have been naptime and lunchtime was already missed because Urgent Care is a 45 minute drive from home. Consequences, dear me, these are the consequences of life with children.

Yes, my mind had visualized a day of fun, togetherness, doing Christmas-y things as part of celebrating and preparing for Christmas, but apparently, togetherness and “making Christmas memories” involves Urgent Care this year.

Hello Urgent Care

Both elbows in working order...

It’s Advent. Our church is Advent ‘conspiring’ which is a topic all unto itself. So I’m not going to talk about church community Advent, I’m going to share the little connection I made between what life has been like in our home and how borderline-ironic the issues at hand match the “technical” season we are in with this here Advent-Christmas stuff. Hmmm….

In many ways, Advent is a season of preparation and celebration of Christ’s birth. But what has the ‘real-life definition’ looked like this year?

First a disclaimer: I think there are certain circumstances and happenings in life that aren’t meant for sharing in blogland. There are people’s stories that are theirs to tell or not tell. But there are parts of life that when lived in community, in relationships with broken human people (all of us), that ripple out and have an effect on many other people. And sometimes, it’s all one big, gloppy mess. So I can’t share all about the messy messiness of life in explicit detail, but I’m realizing that maybe that’s the point. Maybe the point isn’t to dissect the details of the circumstances and figure out all the reasons why and how it all came to be, and what to do next, and what happened yesterday and today, and what could or should happen tomorrow. If that was The Point, we’d be pretty one dimensional and we’d be missing out on the point of Hope.

Which brings me back to Advent. So in E’s Sunday School class he made a small clay Advent wreath that holds birthday cake candles. Four pink ones and one white. It was sent home with instructions on baking it and what each candle meant and some ideas and Scriptures to read with each candle lighting. (I’m a little slow on the draw and will admit to not actually lighting the first two candles on the ‘correct’ Sundays. We finally had the first lighting last Friday. But whatever. I’m celebrating that we actually did it.)

Apparently, the first Sunday, which was November 29th, would have been the day that we celebrated by recognizing the Hope that Christ brought in His living, dying and resurrection.

The first week of Advent was challenging in our extended family. Challenging, exhausting, frustrating, maddening and discouraging. But at the end of the week, for as mentally and physically tired as I was, there was still a glimmer of hope. Sure, there were some uplifting circumstances, namely the trip to the Civil War game with my Dad where we watched our Ducks win. But there were also a few moments where I looked at my boys, all three of them, and realized that at the end of the day, no matter what the day held, that I had some anchors in life that transcended seemingly hopeless situations, things that are so completely out of my control. Some simple things, like hugs and smiles and little boys laughter, went a long way to fuel this perspective. And for me, perspective is a major factor on the road towards hope or hopelessness. Hope is fueled by believing in something that can not be seen, or felt even. Sometimes hope comes from looking outside of ourselves, but too many times, what we see doesn’t produce hope.

For the people in my life that have lost some of that hope, my prayers are for a simple spark of light, the true Light, Jesus, to catch your eyes, your heart and bring some perspective. It’s no mere coincidence that the first candle is the candle of Hope. It wasn’t a few Sunday School teachers idea to throw that word in there because it sounds nice. It’s the very word that is needed for these messy moments in life. Hope for change of circumstances, and hope for the perspective to see past them. Hope for our salvation. Hope for our restoration. Hope for our failures and pain to be transformed. Hope for something more than what we see.