Posts filed under ‘Random’
Typical Blog Post
This is one of those typical blog posts about blogging where people say, “I’ve been taking a break from blogging (for reasons ________) but I’m back…”
I don’t know what it means to be back, but I do know I took a break and I look forward to writing a bit more in this particular venue than I have in the last 14 months.
I’m also toying with pulling out another blog that has been sitting dusty on the shelf for years as a place to process the particulars of this past and present season of life at church and in the Church. If I do, I’ll be sure to link it up.
In the meantime, a couple of things on my mind that I anticipate sharing about here…
* Lent – it officially starts tomorrow and for the past year whenever I have thought on Lent/Easter, I have had a tug to be intentional about the 40 days of preparation, sacrifice and reflection.
* My kids - my belly is expanding just as our family of 4 will soon expand to a family of 5 in June. I have been surprised at how excited I am for this baby and for our family to take this leap. I would have thought I would be more stressed out, anxious or caught up in the particulars of adjusting as a family whether it is physically, emotionally, financially, mentally. I’ll celebrate the excitement instead.
* Books – I’ve actually been trying to read and finish some books more in the past several months. I get easily distracted with books – if the pacing is not right, if something else catches my attention, if I am feeling lazy – and so I rarely actually finish a book, even if it is a good one. I’ve been challenging myself to finish – the good and the bad and the mediocre – and it has been rewarding.
One of the ways I’m challenging myself back to blogging is thinking about expectations. One particular expectation I’m letting go of has to do with the time dedicated to writing and how that affects the content. If I have 15 minutes I can write in the morning while the boys eat breakfast, then use the 15 minutes and count it. If I have 45 minutes, then use the 45 minutes and count it (and celebrate). Both are worthwhile since the writing process is really more for me right now. It might even mean unfinished thoughts or quick exits… which is actually just fine.
Back from Summer Vacation
I took an unofficial break from blogging for summer vacation. So, pardon, the, punctuation issues! or grammatical mishaps, as I am rusty on the writing front. I didn’t really decide to take a break “officially” – it just happened and in the moments when I thought about writing, I had a smorgasbord of thoughts:
…”It’s midnight, nothing good would come of me staying up late to blog…maybe another time.”
…”Wow. I love being able to read what people are thinking about that resonates with me, or things that have inspired me, or things from witty sports columnits on ESPN that are into the same music I am. Like here at the Mommy Revolution. And here where it’s all quotes from Jonathan Safran Foer. And here. Waitasecond, I have a blog somewhere, right?” (Does that mean I was inspired to write? No, just inspired to share their links.)
…”Hmmm, my poor neglected blog. I have nothing to say.” (Or maybe I was just in the ridiculously addictive habit of updating my Facebook status if I have nothing to say instead.)
The things that really kept me away though are people. Three particular boys especially. And our summer of activities, sickness (yeah, what?) and the ups-and-downs of life that I just didn’t necessarily feel like writing about. I had a few moments when I did feel like some blog-processing could fit in, but overall, I just needed some processing space and “being in the moment” space that doesn’t always happen if I am thinking-borderline-concerned with writing it out for 2 people to read. Ha.
So what did me and the three boys do this summer?
Well, the slightly-abbreviated and glossed over version of our activities includes: serious (quantity & quality) time with sister, two weeks at Cannon Beach (which in itself included numerous hikes, BBQs, a parade, lots of my favorite people time and much more), a phenomenal Coldplay concert, a garage sale with five of my favorite families, keeping up with a 1 year old that never walks – only runs (usually in the opposite direction from a parent-type), extreme heat, eight birthday celebrations, two trips to IKEA, setting the BBQ on fire where the fire doesn’t belong, enjoying a new adult beverage thanks to the “Georgia Aunts” (technically not my aunts, but they don’t go by any other name in my mind), some awesome dates with the husband, three days of the boys at Grandma Terry’s, one Harry Potter movie, six completed books, at least a dozen movies including a Bourne-Binge, lots of watching of sports, trips to the skate park, bike rides, a garden that gave me 16 green peppers and 4 zucchini (huh?) and a very satisfying amount of cherry tomatoes.
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- Looking up on the Tillamook Head trail
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- A date night in Portland
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- Eli on the roof at the beach house
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- Calum the climber usually equals Calum the mess maker
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- Eli & auntie M playing “doggie” on the beach
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- Watching Daddy surf
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- After a family walk
The Little Things
Our prayer time with the ‘prayer team’ was awesome.
In my last post I said something about how God is always reaching for me, even if I am not reaching for Him. I didn’t mean to say it, I was just blog-babbling, with my thoughts going from head to keyboard, unedited. I didn’t realize how true it is, was, and will always be. The prayer time was a demonstration of His reach toward me (towards us, really) – it was amazing, humbling, beautiful, tender and powerful.
First, I want to say that it is such an incredible thing to be part of a church body where people are committed to seeking and listening for God, specifically for other people. Maybe I just haven’t paused to think about the power of intercessory prayer enough. But I usually associate intercessory prayer as something much more private, and therefore, powerful in that particular way. I was humbled that five people (some who are dear friends, some who are more acquaintances) would spend HOURS (which included preparation, not just the actual prayer time together) to come meet with us, listen, ask questions, listen some more and then purposefully seek revelation and truth from God for us. Nothing was for them. They were listening to God to receive something to give it away. There were moments that I truly felt like they were warriors fighting for us. They weren’t fighting for them, for us. It’s still indescribable, even though I have tried a few sentences. It was a gift of service and love that helped me to have a deeper understanding of what service and love is about in the powerful act of prayer.
So one of the things I know I needed, as I even blogged about hours before our prayer time together, was the desire and capacity to see God, have His vision or have a vision FOR Him, in the little things.
Can I just say that God’s faithfulness to respond so swiftly is …
… seen in the way that a smile creeps slowly across Calum’s face, where it starts with a little glimmer in his eyes. Daily I spend hours upon hours with this little thing smiling this sometimes devious, sometimes pure delight, smile up at me. It brings joy just to even envision it right now.
… experienced in the drive from Sherwood to Newberg yesterday morning after an “unsuccessful” yet unimportant outing to Target. The sun was already warm on our skin. I made a kickin’ new playlist that we turned on and r o c k e d out to…it included Eli’s special request of “That’s Not My Name” and some of my new-ish faves. One of those songs is “Maps” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. It rocks. (Literally, I think it’s one of the tracks to play along to on Rock Band or Guitar Hero.) The cool chick singer Karen O belts out the chorus, “They don’t love you like I love you.” Eli and I sang this to each other, rocking out on 99W. The best part? Hours later … sitting at the dining room table, Eli points at me all intense and crafty and says, “They don’t love you like I love you!”
… inspiration that hit early today. After two weeks of NyQuil induced sleep at night, my body has slogged through the morning hours. 8am wake ups have felt like it may as well have been 4am, with a complete and utter sense of being out of it. This morning, the sun crept in through the french door that was open in our bedroom, and I woke up at 6:15am refreshed, despite six hours of sleep. My mind was clear and bottom line is this, I had a moment of creativity and inspiration for something that first of all, had room to come in, and second, to actually dwell and play in my mind. It was nice, the way an unexpected bouquet of flowers or flattering compliment is nice to receive.
I’m savoring and sharing these little big things in the hopes that there are more for all of us in the days ahead.
Who, What, Where, When & Why
I haven’t blogged in about forever. I have come, I have written, but I just haven’t hit “publish.” There have been far too many incomplete sentences…
So, in my determination to reemerge in blogland, I figured I would just start with the basics of what life has been about lately…
Back in February, Calum turned 1. The kid is a firecracker and a cuddlebug wrapped wonderfully into one long, lean little body. (93rd percentile, for height. Yeah…wait, what?) Oh, but we had to celebrate belatedly and multiple times, because he had a 102 fever on his birthday, along with an ear infection. Plus Eli had spent the week battling croup, a fever of 104 that lasted 3 days and ear infections in both ears. Ugh. Our first celebration included eating ice cream after watching the GFU girls complete their undefeated regular season with my family. Then we celebrated ‘for real’ with friends, cupcakes, and a treasured Thomas balloon the following weekend…
Calum turns 1! He's happy! He's not! (He's sick.)
Lets see…did I mention that there was sickness? That feels like it has been the “what” of the last couple of months. I have been to the doctor’s office three times and once to urgent care. Fun times! It seems as if every mom I have talked to has been dealing with some sort of persistent, frustrating, isolating sickness with their kids AND themselves. I truly think that there is nothing worse than feeling like staying in bed all day long with drugs, tissues, warm drinks and warm blankets and knowing that your kids actually need all that and then some more comfort and care so it’s just NOT. GOING. TO. HAPPEN.
This is just sad.
So yes, I have been sick. And the boys were sick. They got prescription medication. I bought more NyQuil, DayQuil, Peppermint Tea and Ibuprofen. Then we started to get better. Then Calum’s cough got worse. Then after the medication was dispensed, Eli complained of another earache and randomly slept one Sunday from 1pm until 8pm, then back to bed at 9pm. (And I missed a concert date with Nate.) Then Eli was fine. Then I got a sinus infection. Then Calum got another 104 fever and another ear infection, in each ear this time. Now more medication. (That comes complete with ‘explosive diaper’ side effects.)
Okay, okay. Done whining.
Lets focus on the positive.
I have been having some wonderful date nights with my husband. He has been lovingly persistent through the course of the last four years of having children about us making date nights a priority. I think the importance of time together, away from the house, away from dishes or diapers or distractions has been something that I haven’t always grasped. Plus, I admit to being the kind of person who longs for ‘just me’ time, so when given the opportunity to get out, sometimes I just want it to be me. Not only does he give me this time, but he also makes a big deal about wanting to hang out with me! It’s amazing. (He still likes me!) I do just want to say to any moms who might be dragging your feet, making excuses, battling with insecurities, or just plain forgetting about spending quality time with your husband: make the time. Even if it is a trip to DQ for the Blizzard of the Month and sitting in a parking lot of the nearest park, just go. And then do it again, soon.
Speaking of dates. It has been a basketball week for us. Nate’s dad bought us NCAA tickets to the first and second round games that have been here in Portland. And to top it off, those incredible George Fox girls are the national champions with an undefeated season. We’ve been to a lot of the home games this year, and spent the last week watching them online in the tournament. It has been fun for our family, fun with our friends and breathed some excitement into our community where sometimes the ‘work’ part of life is discouraging. I love watching team sports (except Tiger and Rafael Nadal) for so many reasons, but especially watching people work together, trusting each other, relying on each other and not only accomplishing something great, but then getting to celebrate together. And I also celebrate knowing that behind every team of players and coaches are spouses, families and friends, who support, encourage and sacrifice. It’s just a nice mix of entertainment and inspiration for my little mind!
Speaking of something else inspiring. The new U2 album, No Line on the Horizon. I know there has been much said about this old band, this newish sound, the publicity stunts, etc. This is one of those things that if you don’t agree with me about, I really don’t care. I love this music. I love Bono’s lyrics. (Added bonus: I like being able to listen to it while I work out. There’s a time and place for classics like “With or Without You” but how can you deny the goodness of “I’ll Go Crazy if I Don’t Go Crazy Tonight”?) Oh those Irish boys make me happy.
Anything else worth sharing?
Not much else at this ridiculously late hour. I’ve been out of my groove in some ways, like blogging or pausing to think and reflect – some of my favorite things to do, but difficult while medicated or sleep-deprived or holding a small child. Yet I once again come to appreciate that I think I’m a pretty blessed woman. I am looking forward to spring, a new season…it is always refreshing to see some new life and bright color emerge after a grayish winter (and stuffy noses and ear infections.)
Superhero Adventures
Random blog post warning in effect.
Last night we watched “The Dark Knight.” The night before we watched “Hancock.” Within the last few weeks we also watched “Ironman” and “The Incredibles.” There is a recurring theme…yes, we seem to watch a lot of movies (it goes in phases). The recurring theme I am referring to happens to be about superheroes.
Last night, I wondered what that was, why were choosing superhero movies. I think it is a bizarre combination of morbid fascination (Heath Ledger), reviews of strong writing and theme development (I concur to an extent), good acting, and we didn’t want too much of a downer. (I know, there is a bit of irony there since most superhero movies have a ‘villian’ who tends towards massive amounts of murder. No downers there, watching a hospital blow up or anything…right? Riiiight.)
Anyway. No downers, just some well-directed entertainment. I thought about it some more today though as I checked a few blogs while confined by ice in my house and struggling with lack of motivation issues. I then noticed another recurring theme in the blogs I happened to read…maybe because these people had recent posts. The blogs I got sucked into all are from people having adventures. (The Macys are three months into their around-the-world adventure. The Smiths are five months into their Bangor, Maine adventure. There are new moms and past co-workers and friends returning from Disneyland.)
It made me think…why have I been sucked into stories about superheroes and adventures? I could go all analytical here. I could delve into some self-exploration about my self-worth or need to be appreciated or how much I wish I could be Mrs. Incredible. (Seriously, I love her powers and how good she looks in her little red outfit.) Then to state the obvious I could say that some of the recurring things in my life have been feeling a bit too much like being on a treadmill facing a wall. I know the work of mothering is supposedly paying off, but it sure seems to be the same scenery day-in, day-out.
But then, as soon as I feel myself heading down the slippery slope of discontenment, Eli asks me a question this afternoon:
“Do cows have penises?”
Yes, Eli the boy cows do.
“And the Daddy cows, too, Mom.”
Yep, them too.
“Does the milk come out of the boy cows penis?”
“Umm (pause simply to try to contain the laughter)…nope. The milk comes out of the cows udder.”
“Oh, it looks like a penis.”
Yeah. Yep. Sure. It does. What made you think about this Eli?
“Curious George.”
Okay. Thanks PBS Kids.
Anyway, sometimes I can feel judgemental and protective of moms. I think being a mom can be so incredibly undervalued, misunderstood and written off as a role that keeps one out of touch with the rest of the world. Sometimes, I think I contribute to this by my own need of validation outside of anything that has to do with being a mom or wife. It’s not that I don’t see myself as anything except mom and wife, it’s actually that sometimes I place too high of value on so many other things that the place these two unique roles have becomes undervalued. Does that makes sense?
It’s like, I don’t want a “mom haircut” and I want to color my hair, so I kind of freaked out when I couldn’t get my hair colored. (Because somehow, if I colored my hair the way that I want to color my hair, I will then have the appearance of not just ‘letting myself go’ physically and I will prove that I am still in touch with current styles.) That’s me: judgmental, shallow and vain about hair.
This last week, I read “I Was Told There’d Be Cake” by Sloan Crosley, who is actually younger than me. She’s smart, she’s witty, she is the kind of funny where you laugh out loud and then read the paragraph to under-amused husband -funny. Oh, and she’s into recreational drug use. So I was impressed and annoyed at the same time. She’s published. But…I hate drugs.
She didn’t have a ton of adventures. Sure, she lives in NYC which has the instantly cool factor thing going for someone. She just observed life and actually has been quite a bit of an idiot, yet she owned it, so that makes it a little better. But I read about her life. And it made me laugh. And it entertained me, and she doesn’t have any superpowers or crazy scarred villians she’s fighting off to save humanity.
Do I appreciate my life? Do I value the roles I have? Do I recognize the simple yet profound moments of influencing the lives of my children as I live out my days before their little eyes and minds? Am I preoccupied with future or past occurrences that somehow (mis)represent fulfillment?
My mother-in-law is nearing the end of her four months of chemotherapy treatment for Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. (It’s worth reading her online journal entries as she has shared moments of this journey.) I have shared a few different times to various people how there is some sort of irony, or incongruity between what is expected and what occurs, in this journey with cancer. She is technically diagnosed as Stage IVb Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. The cancer was growing everywhere in her lymphatic system, including her bone marrow. Treatment began almost immediately upon diagnosis, as doctors used words such as “aggressive” and “widespread.”
The ironic part is perhaps what many cancer patients before have expressed, but it isn’t obvious to people on the outside looking in or Hollywood for that matter. One of the other movies we watched this year was “The Bucket List” – the one where Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson set out to have all sorts of adventures and once-in-a-lifetime experiences before they ‘kick the bucket.’ Somehow I get the feeling that so many people are waiting for life to happen to them, waiting for a certain set of circumstances or opportunities or experiences to really feel alive. What is feeling alive anyway? Is it one of those things that is uniquely defined by each person? Probably. Is it an experience in a few amazing moments and then is it over?
Some of the transformation I have seen in my mother-in-law, and some of the transformation I have experienced in our family since this diagnosis has been evidence of truly living. And the stuff I am thinking of are times of honest conversations, shared dreams and fears, birthday parties and laughter and watching Tina Fey impersonate Sarah Palin. I am talking about simple dinners and prayers shared. I am talking about Eli praying for Jesus to make Grandma feel better.
These are my adventures.
Oh, and for the superhero moments…I pushed another human being out of my body after four exhausting days of labor in February. I also have been dealing with potty-training, irregular sleeping habits, and making sure that two children are living and growing. And I work for our church. And I really care about my work, so I give a lot of mental and physical time and energy to it. And I am committed to having a better marriage year #8 than the past 7, and I hope that year 9 is even better…so in otherwords, I am doing my best in putting time into my marriage because I think that a strong marriage is about as undervalued as moms sometimes.
Anyway. I said random blog post warning, I guess I should have said “EXTENDED” random blog post warning.
(Sorry if you don’t get my humor, just watch the local Portland news during winter weather. I know, I can be a bit of a dork.)
Snow Day, um I mean “ARCTIC BLAST!”
I am thankful for the snow and “Arctic Blast 08″ or whatever the silly news producers have decided to name this storm system. (Because anything outside of “40 and rainy” from November through February in the Northwest gets a name, much like hurricanes and tropical storms. Yet, it’s all a bit wannabe, like actors on the CW.) Anyway…back to the snow “storm” we are having.
It makes me laugh, it makes me slow down, it makes me feel like a kid again as I watch all the school closures and still feel some sort of giddy relief that I am off the hook. (Somehow I just don’t think my kids will know what that means though.)
Today was sweet and cozy, cold and fun and ultimately laid back despite kids who bounced.off.the.walls. We had soup I made yesterday in preparation(!) and we walked with giant snowflakes falling to get coffee, and we even finally got around to decorating one of the best Christmas trees we’ve ever had.
As I was sitting here tonight, content even though my toes are actually still cold, Nate wanted to watch a bit more of the “treachery” as he loves to call the news. It really is all so entertaining! We shook our heads at the driving debacles and laughed at the dramatic recaps from reporters squinting through the snow while freezing their Columbia-clad arses off live from Sylvan Hill…oh man.
In bedtime preparations, we were sharing how we are slightly concerned about Calum particularly not staying warm enough tonight. I started thinking a little prayer…not necessarily intending to pray, but it was the kind of prayer that comes out of the place of concern and realization that I can’t control everything…so I was asking the Lord for a little peace (for me) and extra warmth (for my little buddy.)
Then as the news was on in the background they did a little ‘feature’ on how all the overnight shelters around Portland had to open up at 11am this morning because of how many homeless people are in the area and in such need for covering. I don’t know. This isn’t a blog post to make anyone feel guilty, or me to feel better as if I am so “in tune” with other people’s needs…because really, I’m not. We enjoyed our day, and I am glad for that. I spent time taking pictures and eating yummy soup and pretty much oblivious to anything outside of my own comforts.
I think I am just processing how the news team wants our snow day pictures submitted and wants to remind all of us what to do in case of power outtages (especially how to get their news updates on our cell phones!)…and… I’m just wrestling with navigating through thankfulness while having a little stirring to be aware and listening for needs because I’m comfortable but I don’t want to be ignorant-comfortable.
Would I feel better if Botoxed Tracy Barry made a point to ask all of us tucked into our houses watching the news to remember to donate to the food banks or the shelters who will be facing overload this week as we face Arctic Blast? I think I would like it if they did. I need that type of in-my-face reminder that sometimes my content days are somebody else’s difficult days. That’s how it (life) all works, and I know it. (Man, I’m sure I sound like a downer.)
I am thankful, deeply thankful, contentedly thankful, humbly thankful for the provisions for my family and for the great day that we had together. I am thankful because it seems like lately “great days” are few and very far between. I am thankful that our power is on and that we have layers of clothes at our disposal. I am thankful for the extended weekend and canceled meetings. I’m thankful for a coffeepot and full cupboards. I’m thankful that for our family, a snow day was a provision of time together, new memories and space to slow down and snuggle.
One day at a time…
Random-blog-post warning…
It’s a big week around here. I am speaking at church on Sunday and I am ridiculously nervous. Today I read (out of context, but meaningful nonetheless) Ephesians 3:7, “whereof I was made a minister, according to the gift of grace of God given unto me by the effectual working of His power.” Thanks Jesus for the reminder about Who and what this is all about: You and Your gift of grace.
So my way of “focusing” now is a combination of letting go and distracting my mind by reading theories on “LOST”… oh, how I love that show!
And finally, what is really exciting…this weather forecast! When I saw it, my heart leaped within…kind of like when I first heard George was given us $1500 to stimulate our savings accounts! … I have never been so excited for a 75 degree day.
I flickr
I’ve been lamenting (i.e. hosting my own pity party) lately about how fuzzy my brain is, but…today I feel a little more clear, a little more focused, a little more ambitious than usual. So, I decided to link my flickr account and this blog, because I have uploaded some new pictures of some of my favorite people (okay, one little boy in particular) and places. I have about 200 other pictures to pull of my camera and upload, so that is a stated goal for the week.
I flickr at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kimcintyre/
My New Toy
I love my husband and I love how he knows how to play. He surfs, He golfs, He is a self-proclaimed ‘sound geek’. (As I write, we are listening to a new EQ setting on our stereo. It’s so endearing.) So, he encourages me to play, which is the one of the reasons I think he is a great husband.
Anyway. Today, my new Digital SLR camera arrived fresh from the Amazon factory. (So much cheaper.) It was a big purchase for us, yet it was for me. To play. To enjoy. To capture and delete at any given moment…
Today is a great day. I have a great husband.
On a Lighter Note…
I love feeling my son kick me. Really, I do.
I’m ready for a name for this boy. I feel like it will be one more way of getting to know him.
I can’t believe I’m awake at this hour, with this much in my head. Oh wait…the head full of thoughts and things swirling and zapping each other out, that isn’t a surprise.
I have been fondly thinking of my community of friends and people we are getting to know better, and I really, really like the people I have in my life. It’s amazing how simple a concept it is that God truly does reveal Himself through friendship and relationship and connection with each other.
One final thought at 11:59 tonight…I really want the Oregon Ducks to beat the snot out of Cal this weekend. I nearly prayed for it, and as soon as it crossed into my head in a prayer-like form, I felt really stupid. There are SO MANY OTHER THINGS WORTH TALKING TO GOD ABOUT. And yes, I am ‘shouting’ at myself with that one…hoping it sticks.
Good night.
