Posts filed under ‘Family’
Dirty Dishes and Forever Friends
Corvallis. It seems to be the hot spot destination for people lately. Tonight we made the scenic trek to the Beasley’s new (and super fun!) house in Corvallis for an inaugural BBQ and hang out time.
Five families, accounted for by 10 adults and 14 kids, gathered and ate yummy food and played and caught up on the ins and outs of life these days. As the evening wore on and families started the hustle to pack up before the meltdowns began, a few of us did dishes and kitchen clean up together. It made doing dishes enjoyable for the one time out of 150 that it seems we do them during the week. Natasha and I laughed as Meredith suggested half-jokingly, half-seriously that this is why communal living is so intriguing. We laughed because we had just talked about that a couple of weeks ago, so yes, we agreed.
(There really is something to the strength in numbers, yet purposefully simple type of living situation that intrigues me. But that’s for another time and conversation.)
Now home tonight, my heart is refueled. I say “refueled” because I know that much like a gas tank, that it will soon be depleted again. No, this is not a negative statement; it’s just true. The journey of life, the grind of every day living, is predictable yet purposeful and it is what it is. There is wear and tear, yet there is always something redeeming about the season or the circumstances, so I embrace it much like my c-section scar. Well, I am learning to embrace it. Sometimes the embrace is a hug, sometimes it’s a little more like I am having some wrestling move performed on me and I am pinned to the mat.
My season lately has been more like being pinned to the mat instead of running with open arms toward everything in life. (The exception of course is my sweet baby Seth and my boys. There is much more literal and metaphorical hugging there.)
Overall, life has felt defined by more change than I am comfortable with, and more on the way. Change of community, relationships, teams, connections, purpose and place. Time with our familiar community not only filled me up, but also gave me reason to pause and think about the future.
As I poked around in Kareena’s new kitchen putting familiar serving dishes and spoons away in new drawers and cabinets, and the young kids were underfoot and squealing as they ran through the house, I saw a picture in my mind of her daughters in this kitchen, but older. I first thought, “Yes, this is their home now for the many decades to come.” And in my mind I saw almost 6-year-old Ava as a stunningly beautiful teenager. And then I thought, “I hope she knows me when she’s this beautiful teenager.” And then I declared to myself, “Yes, we’ll be here.”
Such an idea had come up at dinner as we all were simply together, just being, laughing, sharing – living. Eric said how soon enough the kids will be self-sufficient to just run and play and then we adults really can just lounge on the deck and do whatever it is that you do as an adult without the invisible umbilical cords that still connect you to your highly dependent small toddler children.
So evidently it’s more than just me that pictures us being friends for many years to come. I’m so thankful for that tonight. In the midst of all of this change for so many of us, I’m thankful to picture a future where we are all connected and present in each other’s lives.
I’m hopeful that one day we’ll look at the pictures from tonight and say, “Oh look at that! That’s from before you went to Africa! That’s from right before Tenley/Ava/Quinn/Allie started Kindergarten, can you believe it? That’s from before _____________ happened! Wow, that’s before ______________ happened, too! Look how big and beautiful the kids are!”
And instead of those fill-in-the-blanks being circumstances of pain or loss (or exorbitant weight gain ☺ ) those blanks will be filled in by some of the best memories we will recall. We have some amazing days, years, behind us – the days of getting to know each other, births and babies and becoming the adults we are now. But hopefully what is before us will enrich and fill us and affect us for the better just as I would say that the years behind us have.
Tonight my heart is refueled and my mind can see a future that I want to embrace, even knowing that there will be wear and tear in order to get there.
And waiting for me tomorrow is my sink filled with dirty dishes, but oh well. Such is life for now.
Reaching Rwanda…Together
I’m pretty excited to share about this next step in life for our dear friends Scott and Natasha Edinger (and their 3 awesome kids) and ignoring all the other feelings that are associated with them actually moving half a world away for a couple of years. Nonetheless, this is the beginning of a great new chapter in their life stories, and I am thankful and inspired by each of them! I hope you take a few minutes to read their newsletter as they prepare for what is next as they head to Rwanda.
Edinger Family Rwanda Letter - This links to a PDF you can easily download, print out, share, etc…
Pows & Wows of 2009
In the unexpectedly, delightfully simple Christmas celebrations we had, I actually had time to write a little ‘year end’ note to put in most of our holiday cards. (I don’t do “Christmas” cards, they need a more generic term in order to make it work for me since I usually end up still delivering them well into January.) As I shared in that note, part of my brain is apparently much too tired to remember a good portion of the year. But now that I started digging into those cavernous spaces, I find myself remembering some good things. It’s not that I only wanted to share good things in that note (as Nate and I both tend towards wanting to share the real rather than the sugar coated version of life) but the act of remembering the good things was one of the things I would have shared, if I had remembered. Ha.
Pows & Wows
During our summer vacation at Cannon Beach, Nate instigated a new family tradition that has actually stuck: Pows & Wows. He got the idea from some retreat he went to, and we adapted it for family dinner time conversation. Call it a game, call it an exercise, call it a kid-friendly version of some sort of spiritual discipline. Whatever it is, it’s been a good thing this year. Each person has the chance to share a “pow” and a “wow” from their day. A pow is something that was not fun, not good, a bummer, a negative part of the day. A wow is the positive, the good thing, a good experience. There has been something really meaningful in bringing this to our family dinner time. Especially because family dinner time is usually one of the biggest “pow” parts of my/our day. Whether it is the battle over the food, the manners and lack-thereof, the whining and arguing and having to sometimes shout our wows as we attempt to ignore it all…ugh. It can be un-enjoyable.
But one of the ways we try to make it enjoyable is this act of reflecting. We try to say our Pows first because usually those are what are so fresh on the mind and heart. And it makes way for celebrating the wows.
With that, the 2009 Pows (the short list):
1. I did not see my soul-sister friend Freya in person one time. Absolutely unacceptable. Explainable, yeah. Sickness during the planned visit. Hundreds of miles between us; young, dependent children; responsibilities and various roles that don’t necessarily leave a lot of time (or money) for traveling and leisure time with dear friends…but all the same, this is one serious POW that has to motivate change in 2010.
2. Which leads in to the time with community thing. This past week afforded the opportunity for us to have a few hours with some of our dearest friends in a couple of settings. These are Wows. But overall, I would say that I (we, actually) often find ourselves longing for more quality time with people that we are honored to call friends. In all honesty, Nate and I sometimes get caught thinking that people don’t like hanging out with us. I can try to wrap it up in a joke, but I think this is one of the hardest things that we go through individually and sometimes as a couple. This is a recurring Pow, because I sometimes lay in bed at night wondering if people actually like me or if they have to put up with me. Sometimes I don’t think that but still just long for time sharing both the meaningful and trivial parts of life together. Then I get caught into thinking that I should be grateful for what I have and then I start to spiral into feeling bad for feeling bad and it just gets messy. But I think that we (at least me and the husband) are wired for connection with people and are ultimately trying to figure out how 24 hours in a day are optimally used given this desire.
3. Which leads to accounting for the unexpected. Definite Pow for the year is having a loved one dealing with the darkness of depression and addiction, which is much like a Category 5 hurricane with its ability to completely level “normal” life. Without going total Debbie Downer, this actually brings me back to the point of Pows and Wows. As I’ve recently been reading on the disease of addiction, one of the aspects of healing and recovery has to do with “accepting life on life’s terms.” I had to stop and re-read the statements as this ties into control and self-will issues versus acceptance. By no means are people with addiction issues the only ones who face this battle. Accepting life on life’s terms resonates because there are some parts of life that are just plain awful, major Pows…there are tragedies, self-inflicted wounds, thoughtless mistakes and plenty of longed for do-overs. I’m not trying to trivialize pain, but recognize that the whole point of our almost daily Pow & Wow sessions have been to find the reasons for thankfulness, for hope, for laughter and lightness of spirit. I hope that if we can teach our boys to recognize that Pows & Wows can co-exist, than perhaps that battle for the necessary acceptance of life sometimes will be easier for them.
So yes, some days there are countless wows and some days it takes some serious effort to think of just one. But that’s especially part of why I like it so much. Because truly, at the end of the day, we all have a wow to share. Don’t you think?
E: "Calum, do this!"
Instead, he shrieks.
WOW = Cannon Beach
Speaking of Cannon Beach in July…which I was, about 5 paragraphs ago…. I love Cannon Beach and this year when I think of CB, I also think of my sister. She was able to join us for most of our two weeks there in July as well as for a few days in March. I’m so thankful to have an almost 20-year old sister who wants to hang out with me and my family. Sure, the house is a sweet hook-up for her 
but I’m so grateful that I have had such quality time with her in 2009. Definite Wow.
Being silly...on the roof.
And also about CB in July… it is a place of beauty. It can be breathtaking at times. I hope I never lose my awe for God’s creation and creativity. Who thinks up things like starfish, let alone two-toned starfish?
Starfish
One of my favorite (repeated) times of life: Sunset at Cannon Beach
WOW = Coldplay concert
I love Coldplay and I love an artistic concert experience. I love that I got to see Coldplay and their return on the $100+ investment was such an incredible experience. And I especially love sharing that experience with good friends, sister and parents who also went. Oh, the bonus? The mini-stage about 20 rows ahead of us that I BOLTED to the moment they came towards it. (Yes, I used the stiff-arm a few times to get there. But who wouldn’t???)
Hello boys. So.Good.To.See.You.
Fantastical.
WOW = Trying out for Wheel of Fortune
Does it count as a try out if you don’t even get called up on the stage? Sure, why not!?! This isn’t a huge, momentous “wow” like vacations and concerts, but it represents a part of life that I want to celebrate: being spontaneous, courageous, silly and willing to follow a dream no matter how absurd that dream might sound to some. I have always loved Wheel of Fortune. So has my sister. We trekked to Chinook Winds, along with a couple other thousand people and gave it a shot. Did we make it? No. (Sister got a call back though! I think it had to do with the form I filled out for her, I said some of her hobbies were sketchbooking and daydreaming. They were well stocked with thirtysomething moms of young children I found out quite quickly during the audition games.) Anyway, I am sure some people thought it was borderline ridiculous that I packed up little C after church and drove an hour and a half for a very long shot at something so random, but I did. And it was worth it. It serves as a fun memory and little spark of motivation as I hope to follow more dreams and not just rationalize life away to the confines of only practical and logical living.
I guess the reflection on Vanna is the giveaway that she's made of cardboard.
WOW = Civil War with my Dad
I Love My Ducks. (Love them, love them, love them.) Prior to the 12/3/09 Civil War, I had been to two Duck games. One was with a friend during her freshmen year at UofO, and I wasn’t as avid a football fan as I have become in the last 10 years. The other one was the stinkbomb the 2002 team laid against WSU (the week after they beat Michigan.) The score was 35-2 at the half. Yes, that’s “2″ as in they only scored a safety. Anyway, back to this year. There was no stinkbomb at Autzen this time around from my Duckies. What a great game. (Seriously, the Rose Bowl loss is barely 24 hours old, and I can still get a warm fuzzy feeling from remembering the Civil War!) This was a “wow” for so many reasons. Yes, they won, it was dramatic (hello two fourth-quarter, fourth down conversions?), it was historic, hard fought and inspiring (hello Autzen crowd while the team is on D). It was an amazing finish to the regular season. And I got to go with my Dad because my Mom is so great and shared her ticket with me! I can’t remember the last time my Dad and I had time together doing something special. I know when I was in high-school he had to help me at the emergency room when I was quite sick…but that doesn’t count. When it comes to some of my passion for sports and especially those Oregon Ducks it’s easy to figure out where I get it from, so I am so glad that we have this memory to share.
Ducks 37 - Beavers 33. A bit excited.
And to close, a few more random WOWs, in picture form…
The boys like their books.
"Santa's Superhero" - with the power to spread Christmas spirit
Day trip hike at Silver Falls
Celebrating the New Year, "Brazilian"-ish style.
Advent vs. Real Life: Round 1
(You know it’s been awhile in blogland when it takes four tries to enter the correct password and really I only have two passwords that I use for everything and anything. Alas, I have found the “Add New Post” screen, so here goes.)
It’s Advent. Our church is Advent ‘conspiring’ which is a topic all unto itself. So I’m not going to talk about church community Advent, I’m going to share the little connection I made between what life has been like in our home and how borderline-ironic the issues at hand match the “technical” season we are in with this here Advent-Christmas stuff. Hmmm….
In many ways, Advent is a season of preparation and celebration of Christ’s birth. But what has the ‘real-life definition’ looked like this year?
First a disclaimer: I think there are certain circumstances and happenings in life that aren’t meant for sharing in blogland. There are people’s stories that are theirs to tell or not tell. But there are parts of life that when lived in community, in relationships with broken human people (all of us), that ripple out and have an effect on many other people. And sometimes, it’s all one big, gloppy mess. So I can’t share all about the messy messiness of life in explicit detail, but I’m realizing that maybe that’s the point. Maybe the point isn’t to dissect the details of the circumstances and figure out all the reasons why and how it all came to be, and what to do next, and what happened yesterday and today, and what could or should happen tomorrow. If that was The Point, we’d be pretty one dimensional and we’d be missing out on the point of Hope.
Which brings me back to Advent. So in E’s Sunday School class he made a small clay Advent wreath that holds birthday cake candles. Four pink ones and one white. It was sent home with instructions on baking it and what each candle meant and some ideas and Scriptures to read with each candle lighting. (I’m a little slow on the draw and will admit to not actually lighting the first two candles on the ‘correct’ Sundays. We finally had the first lighting last Friday. But whatever. I’m celebrating that we actually did it.)
Apparently, the first Sunday, which was November 29th, would have been the day that we celebrated by recognizing the Hope that Christ brought in His living, dying and resurrection.
The first week of Advent was challenging in our extended family. Challenging, exhausting, frustrating, maddening and discouraging. But at the end of the week, for as mentally and physically tired as I was, there was still a glimmer of hope. Sure, there were some uplifting circumstances, namely the trip to the Civil War game with my Dad where we watched our Ducks win. But there were also a few moments where I looked at my boys, all three of them, and realized that at the end of the day, no matter what the day held, that I had some anchors in life that transcended seemingly hopeless situations, things that are so completely out of my control. Some simple things, like hugs and smiles and little boys laughter, went a long way to fuel this perspective. And for me, perspective is a major factor on the road towards hope or hopelessness. Hope is fueled by believing in something that can not be seen, or felt even. Sometimes hope comes from looking outside of ourselves, but too many times, what we see doesn’t produce hope.
For the people in my life that have lost some of that hope, my prayers are for a simple spark of light, the true Light, Jesus, to catch your eyes, your heart and bring some perspective. It’s no mere coincidence that the first candle is the candle of Hope. It wasn’t a few Sunday School teachers idea to throw that word in there because it sounds nice. It’s the very word that is needed for these messy moments in life. Hope for change of circumstances, and hope for the perspective to see past them. Hope for our salvation. Hope for our restoration. Hope for our failures and pain to be transformed. Hope for something more than what we see.
Anger
I am sure that if I put a little effort into it, I could have come up with some quip or witty title for this blog post. Instead, I’m opting for a brain-dump-ish type post, a “write this down before I forget” and revisit it later thing.
I’m once again amazed and humbled by my nearly 5 year old son figuring life out. He’s a smart one that little E. Smart and sassy. Smart and defiant. Smart and more smart. Here’s today’s story. This morning I had to run by my office to drop off some receipts. I needed to go to the main office to fill out the paper work, so I decided to pretty much lock the boys in my office while I hustled down the hall to get it done since they were having some ‘listening & obeying’ issues in staying with me. I said, “I need 5 minutes. Play with the trucks, read books, color, sit in the chairs…whatever, just take care of each other and STAY IN HERE.” I just needed 5 minutes, right? While I’m standing at the copier I hear the shrieking and screaming of little C. Shrieking and screaming from the small one means the big one did something. It’s a given. And he did. So, 30 seconds into my 5 minutes I went back down to the office and sure enough, big one is aggravating small one. So, I remind him of his responsibilities and leave again. One minute later, I hear screams again. Oh come on. I walk the 50 feet back to my office and say, “Really?” (Yes, I’m awful and sarcastic to my children sometimes.) Yes, really. So I say, “Okay, I’m taking C with me and you are going to stay here by yourself. I want to leave soon, too, but we can’t if I can’t get this done. You stay here and I’ll be back in 2 minutes.” There were tears and anguish at the unfairness of it all, that brother got to go with me and “WHY CAN’T I COME TOO???” “Well honey, I need to see that you can be a good listener when we come here and so far today you’ve run away from me two times. So, you have to stay here so I know you are safe and not getting into things.” Sure enough, I was back in 2 minutes and we started to gather ourselves to leave.
As toys were being put away I noticed on the floor the little plastic end piece that goes on the cord for my window blinds. Hmmm. “How did this happen?”
“I pulled it off.”
Hmmm. “Why did you pull it off?”
“I was angry.”
“What were you angry about?”
“I was angry because I had to stay in here.”
(I love the honesty in this moment.)
“I understand that, but it still doesn’t mean you can break things, especially things that aren’t yours.”
And here’s the stop-me-in-my-tracks question:
“So what should I do when I’m angry?”
Um, are there any super-parents out there who would like to take over this conversation now? Anyone? Bueller?
I told him that is a really, really great question and that I would think about it because I am so proud of him for asking it, and I think it’s an important question. I told him I know that there are times we have to do things we don’t want to do and it’s not fun, but we are going to keep talking about this anger thing. Oh my gosh, I’m raising boys. Smart boys. Boys that are going to kick my butt, because I suppose I get to think about this as more than an answer or conversation where we talk about it, but I’m going to have to live out my reply. Yowza.
Back from Summer Vacation
I took an unofficial break from blogging for summer vacation. So, pardon, the, punctuation issues! or grammatical mishaps, as I am rusty on the writing front. I didn’t really decide to take a break “officially” – it just happened and in the moments when I thought about writing, I had a smorgasbord of thoughts:
…”It’s midnight, nothing good would come of me staying up late to blog…maybe another time.”
…”Wow. I love being able to read what people are thinking about that resonates with me, or things that have inspired me, or things from witty sports columnits on ESPN that are into the same music I am. Like here at the Mommy Revolution. And here where it’s all quotes from Jonathan Safran Foer. And here. Waitasecond, I have a blog somewhere, right?” (Does that mean I was inspired to write? No, just inspired to share their links.)
…”Hmmm, my poor neglected blog. I have nothing to say.” (Or maybe I was just in the ridiculously addictive habit of updating my Facebook status if I have nothing to say instead.)
The things that really kept me away though are people. Three particular boys especially. And our summer of activities, sickness (yeah, what?) and the ups-and-downs of life that I just didn’t necessarily feel like writing about. I had a few moments when I did feel like some blog-processing could fit in, but overall, I just needed some processing space and “being in the moment” space that doesn’t always happen if I am thinking-borderline-concerned with writing it out for 2 people to read. Ha.
So what did me and the three boys do this summer?
Well, the slightly-abbreviated and glossed over version of our activities includes: serious (quantity & quality) time with sister, two weeks at Cannon Beach (which in itself included numerous hikes, BBQs, a parade, lots of my favorite people time and much more), a phenomenal Coldplay concert, a garage sale with five of my favorite families, keeping up with a 1 year old that never walks – only runs (usually in the opposite direction from a parent-type), extreme heat, eight birthday celebrations, two trips to IKEA, setting the BBQ on fire where the fire doesn’t belong, enjoying a new adult beverage thanks to the “Georgia Aunts” (technically not my aunts, but they don’t go by any other name in my mind), some awesome dates with the husband, three days of the boys at Grandma Terry’s, one Harry Potter movie, six completed books, at least a dozen movies including a Bourne-Binge, lots of watching of sports, trips to the skate park, bike rides, a garden that gave me 16 green peppers and 4 zucchini (huh?) and a very satisfying amount of cherry tomatoes.
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- Looking up on the Tillamook Head trail
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- A date night in Portland
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- Eli on the roof at the beach house
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- Calum the climber usually equals Calum the mess maker
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- Eli & auntie M playing “doggie” on the beach
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- Watching Daddy surf
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- After a family walk
A Very Good Day
It’s a little silly that I haven’t been here for awhile. This morning I noticed a similar trend in my journal, my last three journal entries were March 2nd, April 2nd, and now, today, May 2nd. Hmmm. Just a coincidence. (For all my friends who love LOST as much as I do, if that is even possible, then maybe we could come up with a theory about why those numbers…)
Who, What, Where, When & Why
I haven’t blogged in about forever. I have come, I have written, but I just haven’t hit “publish.” There have been far too many incomplete sentences…
So, in my determination to reemerge in blogland, I figured I would just start with the basics of what life has been about lately…
Back in February, Calum turned 1. The kid is a firecracker and a cuddlebug wrapped wonderfully into one long, lean little body. (93rd percentile, for height. Yeah…wait, what?) Oh, but we had to celebrate belatedly and multiple times, because he had a 102 fever on his birthday, along with an ear infection. Plus Eli had spent the week battling croup, a fever of 104 that lasted 3 days and ear infections in both ears. Ugh. Our first celebration included eating ice cream after watching the GFU girls complete their undefeated regular season with my family. Then we celebrated ‘for real’ with friends, cupcakes, and a treasured Thomas balloon the following weekend…
Calum turns 1! He's happy! He's not! (He's sick.)
Lets see…did I mention that there was sickness? That feels like it has been the “what” of the last couple of months. I have been to the doctor’s office three times and once to urgent care. Fun times! It seems as if every mom I have talked to has been dealing with some sort of persistent, frustrating, isolating sickness with their kids AND themselves. I truly think that there is nothing worse than feeling like staying in bed all day long with drugs, tissues, warm drinks and warm blankets and knowing that your kids actually need all that and then some more comfort and care so it’s just NOT. GOING. TO. HAPPEN.
This is just sad.
So yes, I have been sick. And the boys were sick. They got prescription medication. I bought more NyQuil, DayQuil, Peppermint Tea and Ibuprofen. Then we started to get better. Then Calum’s cough got worse. Then after the medication was dispensed, Eli complained of another earache and randomly slept one Sunday from 1pm until 8pm, then back to bed at 9pm. (And I missed a concert date with Nate.) Then Eli was fine. Then I got a sinus infection. Then Calum got another 104 fever and another ear infection, in each ear this time. Now more medication. (That comes complete with ‘explosive diaper’ side effects.)
Okay, okay. Done whining.
Lets focus on the positive.
I have been having some wonderful date nights with my husband. He has been lovingly persistent through the course of the last four years of having children about us making date nights a priority. I think the importance of time together, away from the house, away from dishes or diapers or distractions has been something that I haven’t always grasped. Plus, I admit to being the kind of person who longs for ‘just me’ time, so when given the opportunity to get out, sometimes I just want it to be me. Not only does he give me this time, but he also makes a big deal about wanting to hang out with me! It’s amazing. (He still likes me!) I do just want to say to any moms who might be dragging your feet, making excuses, battling with insecurities, or just plain forgetting about spending quality time with your husband: make the time. Even if it is a trip to DQ for the Blizzard of the Month and sitting in a parking lot of the nearest park, just go. And then do it again, soon.
Speaking of dates. It has been a basketball week for us. Nate’s dad bought us NCAA tickets to the first and second round games that have been here in Portland. And to top it off, those incredible George Fox girls are the national champions with an undefeated season. We’ve been to a lot of the home games this year, and spent the last week watching them online in the tournament. It has been fun for our family, fun with our friends and breathed some excitement into our community where sometimes the ‘work’ part of life is discouraging. I love watching team sports (except Tiger and Rafael Nadal) for so many reasons, but especially watching people work together, trusting each other, relying on each other and not only accomplishing something great, but then getting to celebrate together. And I also celebrate knowing that behind every team of players and coaches are spouses, families and friends, who support, encourage and sacrifice. It’s just a nice mix of entertainment and inspiration for my little mind!
Speaking of something else inspiring. The new U2 album, No Line on the Horizon. I know there has been much said about this old band, this newish sound, the publicity stunts, etc. This is one of those things that if you don’t agree with me about, I really don’t care. I love this music. I love Bono’s lyrics. (Added bonus: I like being able to listen to it while I work out. There’s a time and place for classics like “With or Without You” but how can you deny the goodness of “I’ll Go Crazy if I Don’t Go Crazy Tonight”?) Oh those Irish boys make me happy.
Anything else worth sharing?
Not much else at this ridiculously late hour. I’ve been out of my groove in some ways, like blogging or pausing to think and reflect – some of my favorite things to do, but difficult while medicated or sleep-deprived or holding a small child. Yet I once again come to appreciate that I think I’m a pretty blessed woman. I am looking forward to spring, a new season…it is always refreshing to see some new life and bright color emerge after a grayish winter (and stuffy noses and ear infections.)
The “S” Words
Here it goes again, some sort of inter-connectedness in the blogosphere. I write in the middle of a day where I have errands to run, a meal to prepare for part of our small group gathering tonight and two small boys to care for. A busy day, but a good day. And what is the subject for tonight’s small group with three other couples? “Simplicity” – as we have been reading through Richard Foster’s “Celebration of Discipline” and studying each theme through the book and corresponding scripture. And what just popped up as the topic over at The Mommy Revolution? A conversation about a book that focuses on rest, the Sabbath and simplicity. Yes, interesting timing indeed.
So first, where does the idea of a Sabbath come from? Oh that’s right, the Ten Commandments. The commandments that happen to list both observing a Sabbath and not worshiping any other gods (as well as a few other oh-so-important things.) Interestingly, in Exodus 31, it is also where Moses received the instructions for building the Tabernacle. I am inspired by the connection between the theme of worship and this reinforcement of the idea of a necessary rest or Sabbath. Exodus 31: 12-13 says, “Then the LORD said to Moses, “Say to the Israelites, ‘You must observe my Sabbaths. This will be a sign between me and you for the generations to come, so you may know that I am the LORD, who makes you holy.”
I am created and called to worship, to the point that my acts of worship include creating and constructing and doing (just as the Israelites were put to work creating the Tabernacle). But I see two warnings given in the commands about worship, to not worship false gods and to observe a Sabbath. BOTH of those things will glorify God and both of those things will make it so that I know that the Lord is God.
Apparently, I am the one who first needs to rightly acknowledge, believe and act as if God is God and I am not. A day of rest, a day of not doing all the things that I ‘need’ to proudly cross off my to-do list is one of the most significant ways that I can teach myself about the proper ordering when it comes to me and the Creator God of the universe, the Keeper of all space and time. Okay, so I guess I can ease up a bit on my trusty little governing notebook filled with my lists, goals, projects and ideas.
So, observing a Sabbath has ultimately the same effect on my life as the choice and actions of worshiping false gods. For me, in this case, the false god that I am worshiping when I do not observe a day of rest (from the notebook) is ME. Whether it is a control issue, a self-sufficiency issue or an identity issue, all depends on the day and the circumstance, and sometimes it is an unholy mixture of all three. If I am too tightly bound to whatever it is that I need to accomplish and do with my time, I not only find myself exhausted, crabby, unfulfilled and discouraged, but I ultimately do a severe disservice to my children and my husband and any other person who I have a relational impact on. At that point, I am no longer modeling living a life set-apart for God, but I am actually refusing to ‘know’ the Lord the way that He wants me to know Him.
I already have enough control/self-sufficiency/identity issues to work through. This is one significant area where I can make a choice to simplify in action, which in turn helps break through some nasty, unhealthy thought habits. I had a friend tell me once (and that’s all I needed for it to stick in my brain): “We don’t even think of committing murder, so why would we disregard the commandment about resting and taking a Sabbath?” I have thought many times since about this and the power of what I pass on to my kids. I will tell them how bad it is to murder, lust, worship power-money-false gods, but I will live a life of no-rest-all-productivity before them? That’s just not going to work.
So my husband and I choose days to not clean up the toys scattered about the house, to not fret about dinner and eat pancakes, to stay in our pajamas until 3pm, and to step away from the Type A personality habits that otherwise drive our days. This has helped me enormously in the last year after the birth of my second son. These simple outward steps help me overcome the huge mental hurdles that resist such perceived “unproductiveness.”
In stealing from Jim Collins “Good to Great”, sometimes Nate and I will say to each other when frantic discouragement starts to set in, or on days where one of us starts looking about with a bewildered sense of “must do, must do, must do” (think Gollum and his precious):
“So you have a lot on your to-do list. What’s on your NOT to-do list?”
Often times, the first answer will be “I do not need or want to stress and freak out if one or two things that I want to do does not actually get done.” Of course, it is always easier said than done. But, truly it helps in hovering near sanity. (And then it frees me up to impromptu blog posts, too.)
I know that much of the discussion for moms can be about taking care of children and the demands of maintaining a sense of order and well-being for our homes. We all have different standards of what defines chaos, or even survival for that matter. But I think that ultimately, we can all find areas of our life where we can abide by the defined terms for rest. My version of rest is going to look much different than someone who doesn’t have small children in the house, or who is single, or who is living in retirement. But, I just have a hunch that since it is part of God’s original commandments (which were pre-technology, pre-industrial age, pre-television) that He can lead us to a place of rest that fits each of us just right whether it is physical, mental, emotional or spiritual.
Rest:
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1. |
the refreshing quiet or repose of sleep: a good night’s rest. |
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2. |
refreshing ease or inactivity after exertion or labor: to allow an hour for rest. |
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3. |
relief or freedom, esp. from anything that wearies, troubles, or disturbs. |
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4. |
a period or interval of inactivity, repose, solitude, or tranquillity:to go away for a rest. |
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5. |
mental or spiritual calm; tranquillity. |
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6. |
cessation or absence of motion: to bring a machine to rest. |
During December’s Arctic Blast, I had the pleasure of absorbing myself in the book “Eat Pray Love”. I have already tried to convince you to read it, but in case you haven’t taken the hint, I will end by borrowing a page from that book, during a time when the writer, Elizabeth Gilbert is living in Italy.
“(My sister and I) were taught to be dependable, responsible, the top of our classes at school, the most organized, efficient babysitters in town, the very miniature models of our hardworking famer/nurse of a mother, a pair of junior Swiss Army knives, born to multitask. We had a lot of enjoyment in my family, a lot of laughter, but the walls were papered with to-do lists and I never experienced or witnessed idleness, not once in my whole entire life.
Generally speaking, though, Americans have an inability to relax into sheer pleasure. Ours is an entertainment-seeking nation, but not necessarily a pleasure-seeking one. Americans spend billions to keep themselves amused from porn to theme parks to wars, but that’s not exactly the same thing as quiet enjoyment. Americans work harder and longer and more stressful hours than anyone in the world today. But as Luca Spaghetti pointed out, we seem to like it. Alarming statistics back this observation up, showing that many Americans feel more happy and fulfilled in their offices than they do in their own homes. Of course, we all inevitably work too hard, then we get burned out and have to spend the whole weekend in our pajamas, eating cereal straight out of the box and staring at the TV in a mild coma (which is the opposite of working, yet, but not exactly the same thing as pleasure). Americans don’t really know how to do nothing. This is the cause of that great sad American stereotype – the overstressed executive who goes on vacation but who cannot relax.
I once asked Luca Spaghetti if Italians on vacation have that same problem. He laughed so hard he almost drove his motorbike into a fountain.”
Pondering these things in my heart
We read the “classic” version of the Christmas story this morning. (Luke 2) How many times have I heard this particular version, where there is no room in the inn, there appears a heavenly host, there are stars and shepherds, mangers and one woman’s beginning of motherhood.
The new mother part is what is sticking with me this Christmas morning as one child naps and the other is playing Clue Jr. with his Daddy.
I gave birth this year, after four days of labor, which included two trips to the hospital, little food, even less sleep and one triumphant delivery of my second son. I have a birth story, and it has very low lows and unforgettable moments of perseverance and strength (sometimes my own, often that of others.) But there are plenty of other details to the four days of labor, which include intensity and pain, contractions, baths, bathroom business, tears, blood, needles, blood pressure cuffs, monitors, cords, heartbeats, charts, nurses, dear friends, family, cameras and two wonderful midwives.
Mary, she had her dear fiance Joseph. And maybe a stable boy? Probably some sort of group of travelers that were making their way to Bethlehem, which hopefully included some family members. Most likely some animals were in near proximity, and most definitely their unsanitized trough.
How long had she been having contractions?
Who was there to hold her hand? (I mean seriously, how involved do you really think men were during birth back then? )
What about towels or water or pillows?
Where did she lie down and rest afterward?
Did she tear? Who ‘caught’ the baby? What about the umbilical cord? What about the messy part of delivery? Was she able to breastfeed him right away or was she in agonizing pain and exhaustion?
Birth is so intense. Imagine how much more for a young, unmarried, traveler who had encountered angels, experienced a miraculous conception, and probably had a glimpse of the enormous responsibility ahead of her…let alone simply being a first time mom.
I wonder what those birth moments were like for her. I wonder what the moments afterward were like.
I cried, my husband cried, we inhaled the newborn smell and nuzzled tiny ears and fingers. Time felt slowed down yet as if it was moving so quickly around us as we were congratulated and fed and physically attended to. There was little sleep initially as adrenalin and pure joy coursed through us, and soon we were surrounded by family and friends who came to celebrate with us.
This morning, we read how the shepherds quickly followed the word of the angels to visit this new baby, Christ the Lord. So Mary and Joseph had visitors, too. But they didn’t know each other beforehand. I wonder how that encounter went, did they mention angels or stars? What did Mary and Joseph think as these shepherds arrived, “And so it begins???”
But what about that time right after Jesus’ birth, before the shepherds arrived? Was there a holy stillness in the stable? Was there a sense of peace and joy? You know those moments when it feels like God’s presence is thick and tangible, did it feel like that? I mean, obviously they were holding Jesus, so that is pretty ‘tangible’ but was there something even more to it? As I think about it, I bet there was. And I hope for this brave little family, that it lasted hours rather than minutes. I hope it gave them peace and encouragement that what they had faced was nothing compared to the triumph that had occurred through their obedience intertwined with the presence of God.
I hope there is a day where I can hear the unabridged version of this story. (After all, I always love love love hearing birth stories.) But for today, I will let my imagination roam freely as I ponder stories and moments in my life of experiencing the gift of Emmanuel, God with us.
my best friend supporting me
