Posts filed under ‘Faith’
Dirty Dishes and Forever Friends
Corvallis. It seems to be the hot spot destination for people lately. Tonight we made the scenic trek to the Beasley’s new (and super fun!) house in Corvallis for an inaugural BBQ and hang out time.
Five families, accounted for by 10 adults and 14 kids, gathered and ate yummy food and played and caught up on the ins and outs of life these days. As the evening wore on and families started the hustle to pack up before the meltdowns began, a few of us did dishes and kitchen clean up together. It made doing dishes enjoyable for the one time out of 150 that it seems we do them during the week. Natasha and I laughed as Meredith suggested half-jokingly, half-seriously that this is why communal living is so intriguing. We laughed because we had just talked about that a couple of weeks ago, so yes, we agreed.
(There really is something to the strength in numbers, yet purposefully simple type of living situation that intrigues me. But that’s for another time and conversation.)
Now home tonight, my heart is refueled. I say “refueled” because I know that much like a gas tank, that it will soon be depleted again. No, this is not a negative statement; it’s just true. The journey of life, the grind of every day living, is predictable yet purposeful and it is what it is. There is wear and tear, yet there is always something redeeming about the season or the circumstances, so I embrace it much like my c-section scar. Well, I am learning to embrace it. Sometimes the embrace is a hug, sometimes it’s a little more like I am having some wrestling move performed on me and I am pinned to the mat.
My season lately has been more like being pinned to the mat instead of running with open arms toward everything in life. (The exception of course is my sweet baby Seth and my boys. There is much more literal and metaphorical hugging there.)
Overall, life has felt defined by more change than I am comfortable with, and more on the way. Change of community, relationships, teams, connections, purpose and place. Time with our familiar community not only filled me up, but also gave me reason to pause and think about the future.
As I poked around in Kareena’s new kitchen putting familiar serving dishes and spoons away in new drawers and cabinets, and the young kids were underfoot and squealing as they ran through the house, I saw a picture in my mind of her daughters in this kitchen, but older. I first thought, “Yes, this is their home now for the many decades to come.” And in my mind I saw almost 6-year-old Ava as a stunningly beautiful teenager. And then I thought, “I hope she knows me when she’s this beautiful teenager.” And then I declared to myself, “Yes, we’ll be here.”
Such an idea had come up at dinner as we all were simply together, just being, laughing, sharing – living. Eric said how soon enough the kids will be self-sufficient to just run and play and then we adults really can just lounge on the deck and do whatever it is that you do as an adult without the invisible umbilical cords that still connect you to your highly dependent small toddler children.
So evidently it’s more than just me that pictures us being friends for many years to come. I’m so thankful for that tonight. In the midst of all of this change for so many of us, I’m thankful to picture a future where we are all connected and present in each other’s lives.
I’m hopeful that one day we’ll look at the pictures from tonight and say, “Oh look at that! That’s from before you went to Africa! That’s from right before Tenley/Ava/Quinn/Allie started Kindergarten, can you believe it? That’s from before _____________ happened! Wow, that’s before ______________ happened, too! Look how big and beautiful the kids are!”
And instead of those fill-in-the-blanks being circumstances of pain or loss (or exorbitant weight gain ☺ ) those blanks will be filled in by some of the best memories we will recall. We have some amazing days, years, behind us – the days of getting to know each other, births and babies and becoming the adults we are now. But hopefully what is before us will enrich and fill us and affect us for the better just as I would say that the years behind us have.
Tonight my heart is refueled and my mind can see a future that I want to embrace, even knowing that there will be wear and tear in order to get there.
And waiting for me tomorrow is my sink filled with dirty dishes, but oh well. Such is life for now.
Reaching Rwanda…Together
I’m pretty excited to share about this next step in life for our dear friends Scott and Natasha Edinger (and their 3 awesome kids) and ignoring all the other feelings that are associated with them actually moving half a world away for a couple of years. Nonetheless, this is the beginning of a great new chapter in their life stories, and I am thankful and inspired by each of them! I hope you take a few minutes to read their newsletter as they prepare for what is next as they head to Rwanda.
Edinger Family Rwanda Letter - This links to a PDF you can easily download, print out, share, etc…
Necessary & Unnecessary: Lent Day #1
Today marks the beginning of Lent. I trust that if you are reading here, you have the ability to learn about the history, purpose and meaning behind the season since we all know how to Google something. 
I grew up Catholic, so Lent was marked by Fridays of those nasty breaded fish sticks and fries for dinner. When I really embraced following Christ on my own, I can’t say that I did much to embrace the discipline of the season. It really has been only the last couple years that the thought of intentionally engaging in the meaning and practice of the season has tugged at my heart and mind.
This year is the right year, this year is the right season of life to challenge myself to follow through on those thoughts and nudges. There have been many challenges personally in the past year and especially recent months (and great things to celebrate) but for some reason I am stirred to act and participate in this historically transformative season in a very personal way. I guess if I’m already in the throes of challenges, difficult processes and changes, then why not work on some more core issues?
I know many people look at Lent as a time of giving something(s) up, ultimately a practice of intentional sacrifice that hopefully clears some space for some more intentional prayer and thoughtfulness to Christ’s life and sacrifice. The choices these days seem to be giving up Facebook (a wonderful time-waster), sugar/desserts, lattes, TV, etc. I know I could have done any and all of those things and I would have felt the pain of sacrifice for 40 days. But yesterday I really wanted to take some time to pray about the heart of the issues in my life and hear if there was something more or different that God wanted to reveal to me.
Since I’m third trimester pregnant, the idea of giving up and cutting out any kind of food for good sounded like trouble because it sounded like a recipe for failure and emotional disasters. I laughed when over breakfast Nate said we could give up sugar, and I almost asked him if he wanted to see me without sugar these next 6 weeks. I know theoretically it would be an absolutely fantastic idea that my midwife would probably support, as would my growing belly and butt, but come on. A pregnant hormotional woman without the hope of a scoop of ice cream at the end of the day of growing a child, parenting two young boys, working and doing life? That’s not just sacrifice for me – ALL would have to agree to that kind of sacrifice.
So anyway, I resorted to making a list. On my list were things I could actually do more of – like daily affirmations of others for instance. The things I could do less of or cut out all had to do with ”unnecessary things.” As soon as I stumbled on the word “unnecessary” and saw the pattern in my list of “unnecessary” things, I knew that was what I needed to be thinking about and focusing on for this season.
I realized I have a lot of areas of life where if I put into practice the idea of evaluating first “Is this necessary?” than I might really be surprised and challenged. It also reminded me of the teaching of Paul from Ephesians 4:
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”
This is my list of “The Unnecessary Stuff”:
- Unnecessary internet surfing
- Food choices – pop, candy, crappy food, those extra sweets that a pregnant woman can far too easily justify having in excess
- Shopping
- Grocery shopping – going with the “Pantry Principle” here. Use what I have, shop minimally (milk, fruits/veggies, bread) and only go buy food that I need when I need it. Even if I am really excited to try a new recipe or make an old favorite, is it necessary if I am fully capable of making meals with what we have on hand?
- Excessive TV time
- Worry
- Talking about people or situations in a way that doesn’t reveal truth. – I tend to think too highly of my opinion and want to share it. Basically I need to practice putting on a muzzle.
My initial thoughts are if I more intentionally focus or practice evaluating what is necessary – in simple choices and actions, in relational situations, in challenging situations – then it clears some space for the truth of Paul’s teaching in Ephesians 4 to take root and bear fruit in my life. I wonder what else I will recognize in my life as over-indulgences or areas that I can listen for the promptings of “do this – it’s necessary” or “don’t, it’s not necessary.”
And since my boys are starting to howl at each other and C is doing the potty dance, it is necessary to be done.
Local “Celebrities”
So in the last couple of weeks I’ve had a few people ask me, “Who’s this Tenley from Newberg on the Bachelor? Does she work with Nate?” And I say, “No, she doesn’t work with Nate. Her mom does though. I know, it’s a little misleading…” Our local news media has had a little frenzy in highlighting the most popular Bachelorette from Oregon. Whether it’s on Facebook, talking about it with married friends (some who love the show, some who cringe/hate it), or following the “latest” Bachelor news online… It’s all strange. (And I’m not really going to weigh in with my opinion because that’s not the point.) But it’s entertainment, right? Right. But it is also someone’s life, and that is what makes it slightly interesting from my perspective.
Today at church I sat near Tenley’s parents during our worship time. (Personally enjoyable, as they tend to really engage in time of worship through song…but I could quickly digress…) Anyway, as part of the Worship Planning Team, I knew what songs were going to come later and I knew what other aspects of the “service order” were coming, too. I knew that we were going to spend some time in prayer for people in Haiti. I also knew that we were going to celebrate the story of another “celebrity” couple that is now making local, national and even international news.
The dear young couple, Joel and Rachel Hoffman, have been living in Port-au-Prince for 4 months prior to last week’s earthquake. Their story of survival is a miracle. Nothing less. A pure, give God all the glory, miracle. So we celebrated as we shared a bit of their story, but we also continued to mourn and anguish over the past week’s events.
So somehow today right before we sang, “You are God Alone (not a god)” and the lines, “And right now, in the good times and bad, You are on Your throne, You are God alone…” I felt this indescribable not-quite-tension-but not-quite-peace moment. A few feet away are some parents with a daughter experiencing some pretty life-changing, following your dreams-type of circumstances. I know they are proud of their daughter. And I also know that they have also walked through some dark valleys in the past year as parents, which makes right now where there is love and support and laughter over something like Monday night “Bachelor” episodes, even that much sweeter.
Then a few feet away from them are two very dear people who are like Joel and Rachel’s spiritual parents, who spent a long night wondering if Joel and Rachel were alive, and who rejoice in their survival but also hurt for the hurts that they are experiencing physically, emotionally and mentally after having witnessed such a nightmare of devastation.
And we all sang. And we all worshipped. And we all acknowledged that God is on His throne. And I (think) we all meant it.
Today I realized a fraction more of the Power of God. (A significant revelation for me, but a fraction compared to what is.) It’s like there are some songs we sing that are songs of desperation, or songs where we are intimately recognizing our need to surrender to God, and hymns with rich theology and prayer-like language, and there are other songs where we can celebrate and “Sing Sing Sing” and be full of joy and wonder. But somehow this song, in the midst of seeing these people whose children’s faces have been plastered online in so many different ways…this song gave me a glimpse into this dual nature of the loving, tender, merciful God who we can trust in, but also this Alpha and Omega, sovereign, Creator God whose power “none can contend.”
It’s been a weird week, 180 degrees difference in thoughts from Monday night Bachelor viewing to Tuesday night earthquake praying. But all I know is that for all the ways that media can take any kind of story and run with it — the good, the bad, the heartbreaking, the devastating, the nauseating, the miraculous — I am so, so small. I know it could seem so trivial and insignificant to somehow correlate how the Bachelor fits into a blog post where the disaster in Haiti is mentioned, but I think God is big enough to handle my processing of life and worship and worship in life.
Advent vs. Real Life: Round 2
Round 2 of Advent vs. Real Life begins with Getting the Christmas Tree (The Almost a Complete Disaster Debacle). I just wanted to get a Christmas tree last Saturday. Not too complicated, right? Not too strange of a desire on December 5th? We borrowed the truck, bundled up, and headed up the hill to our favorite spot to cut the tree…the same place we always go. (Ahhh, there’s the key word: “always.” It is the cue for Plan B to be set in motion.)
“Oooops. We forgot the saw. Oh well, Ray (the property owner) always has a saw on hand to help.” Up the hill we go. To the lot we pull in…and oh…there’s a chain with a lock blocking the entrance and no sign of Ray. Hmmm. We look longingly at the trees just sitting there, all peacefully rooted in the ground.
Ray's Christmas Tree Lot: CLOSED
“Where do we go next? I have no idea. Do you have an idea? I saw a sign down the road…” Oh hang on you are calling your mom and getting 14 different ideas while the boys begin the “Where are we going? What are we doing?” distress signals. (Tension building.)
Skip said tension and jump ahead to finding a new lot to get a tree where “U Pick, We Cut’ thankfully. Oh look! I asked the boys to smile for a picture and little C goes back to stand next to brother to have their picture taken! This never happens!
Wow! They are both smiling in my general direction!
The selfish mother I am asked for more. (Dun Dun Duuunn.) Next picture (in much better lighting mind you) involves big brother putting little brother in a headlock and slamming him to the ground, head first. Yes, I was snapping a photo at the beginning of the moment.
Ugh.
The next 10 minutes involved soothing, consoling, the use of the words “ridiculous” and “awful” unfortunately said aloud too many times, a quick finding of the tree by me while Dad and big brother were in timeout, an agreement that this tree would work, a cutting, payment and hoisting into the truck. Follow this with screams of pain from little brother as we put him back in the carseat. The 5 minute drive home determined the need to go to Urgent Care because little brother wasn’t moving his right arm. Just like the time he got “Nursemaids Elbow” last year. So, forget the afternoon of the family being at home together for a much needed change of pace and family time, and Plan B included Family Time in the small cramped room of Urgent Care while kind Dr. Cal checked out little brother. Yes, I made big brother come on the sad adventure because I wanted him to see the pain his younger brother had to go through, especially if anything was broken, because I am so.tired. of big brother’s use of physical force on little brother. And there was no way big bro was staying home having fun with Dad while little brother was dealing with all this. Consequences, my dear child, consequences.
Fortunately for all of us, the second try of reattaching the elbow tendon or whatever it is called worked, and within minutes, my little man was restored. Nothing broken. No x-rays needed, just a painful and awful-to-watch twist and bend of the arm. Not to mention it was now 2 o’clock and smack in the middle of what would have been naptime and lunchtime was already missed because Urgent Care is a 45 minute drive from home. Consequences, dear me, these are the consequences of life with children.
Yes, my mind had visualized a day of fun, togetherness, doing Christmas-y things as part of celebrating and preparing for Christmas, but apparently, togetherness and “making Christmas memories” involves Urgent Care this year.
Hello Urgent Care
Both elbows in working order...
Advent vs. Real Life: Round 1
(You know it’s been awhile in blogland when it takes four tries to enter the correct password and really I only have two passwords that I use for everything and anything. Alas, I have found the “Add New Post” screen, so here goes.)
It’s Advent. Our church is Advent ‘conspiring’ which is a topic all unto itself. So I’m not going to talk about church community Advent, I’m going to share the little connection I made between what life has been like in our home and how borderline-ironic the issues at hand match the “technical” season we are in with this here Advent-Christmas stuff. Hmmm….
In many ways, Advent is a season of preparation and celebration of Christ’s birth. But what has the ‘real-life definition’ looked like this year?
First a disclaimer: I think there are certain circumstances and happenings in life that aren’t meant for sharing in blogland. There are people’s stories that are theirs to tell or not tell. But there are parts of life that when lived in community, in relationships with broken human people (all of us), that ripple out and have an effect on many other people. And sometimes, it’s all one big, gloppy mess. So I can’t share all about the messy messiness of life in explicit detail, but I’m realizing that maybe that’s the point. Maybe the point isn’t to dissect the details of the circumstances and figure out all the reasons why and how it all came to be, and what to do next, and what happened yesterday and today, and what could or should happen tomorrow. If that was The Point, we’d be pretty one dimensional and we’d be missing out on the point of Hope.
Which brings me back to Advent. So in E’s Sunday School class he made a small clay Advent wreath that holds birthday cake candles. Four pink ones and one white. It was sent home with instructions on baking it and what each candle meant and some ideas and Scriptures to read with each candle lighting. (I’m a little slow on the draw and will admit to not actually lighting the first two candles on the ‘correct’ Sundays. We finally had the first lighting last Friday. But whatever. I’m celebrating that we actually did it.)
Apparently, the first Sunday, which was November 29th, would have been the day that we celebrated by recognizing the Hope that Christ brought in His living, dying and resurrection.
The first week of Advent was challenging in our extended family. Challenging, exhausting, frustrating, maddening and discouraging. But at the end of the week, for as mentally and physically tired as I was, there was still a glimmer of hope. Sure, there were some uplifting circumstances, namely the trip to the Civil War game with my Dad where we watched our Ducks win. But there were also a few moments where I looked at my boys, all three of them, and realized that at the end of the day, no matter what the day held, that I had some anchors in life that transcended seemingly hopeless situations, things that are so completely out of my control. Some simple things, like hugs and smiles and little boys laughter, went a long way to fuel this perspective. And for me, perspective is a major factor on the road towards hope or hopelessness. Hope is fueled by believing in something that can not be seen, or felt even. Sometimes hope comes from looking outside of ourselves, but too many times, what we see doesn’t produce hope.
For the people in my life that have lost some of that hope, my prayers are for a simple spark of light, the true Light, Jesus, to catch your eyes, your heart and bring some perspective. It’s no mere coincidence that the first candle is the candle of Hope. It wasn’t a few Sunday School teachers idea to throw that word in there because it sounds nice. It’s the very word that is needed for these messy moments in life. Hope for change of circumstances, and hope for the perspective to see past them. Hope for our salvation. Hope for our restoration. Hope for our failures and pain to be transformed. Hope for something more than what we see.
“C” is for Cookie, and…
The letter of the week in E’s 4 year old preschool class this week was C. And to make things even cooler, E’s sharing day was Tuesday. He had been looking forward to his sharing day since the first day of school, and he flexed extremely well when the sharing bag came home with the note that he was to bring things that start with the letter C. That ruled out his most treasured motorcycle, which was atop his very long list of ‘things to bring for sharing.’ Immediately he went for some of his treasured cars. I asked if his teachers would mind if little Calum went to school with him for the day. E responded, “He moves too much.” Ah, yes, so true.
As he started rummaging for his Corvettes and Convertibles, I (unfortunately for him) started my best impersonation of the egyptian opera singer from old school Sesame Street song “C is for Cookie.” Then I had this freaking stuck in my head for about 2 days. (You know you want to watch it!!)
So continuing on my momma nuttiness for the day, anytime I would say something that started with C, I would tell E that he should take that for sharing. (If I was him, I would totally take a bag of Starbucks Verona and say, “This is one of my mom’s most treasured C things.”) He really wasn’t amused at any point in the day with my suggestions. Apparently I’m not cool already.
The big sharing day came and the cars were a hit with the boys, and the girls who shared brought things like cats and a comb and a Curious George doll. So many options for the letter C.
A couple of hours later when school was over, I picked up my special copy of the new Chip Heath & Dan Heath book, “Switch” (not officially released yet.) I can’t quote it as the cover says in all caps bold, “Not for sale. Please do not quote, blog or review until January 1, 2010.” Is this breaking the rules, mentioning that I am reading it and saying what it says on the cover? Hmmm. We’ll see.
Well I’m not going to break the rules any further, just in case. But I will say, that the reason I got the book was because I was enticed when hearing them speak at the Leadership Summit back in August, while I was experiencing the change of losing-turned-transitioning my job. They were talking about one of the most feared words for many: CHANGE. The book itself has a subtitle that goes something like this, “How to change things when change is hard.” So far, it’s quite good but I guess I’ll have to talk about it in a few months.
Last week, I was talking with a friend and I said, “I’d love if 2010 wasn’t a year of hard change.” There’s something in me that feels like we are just getting settled into something here in life, so I’m subconsciously bracing myself for some rock-my-little-world, earth shaking change with a high magnitude. It seems like we can look back over the last few+ years and identify some major changes that we have faced, adapted to, battled and/or conquered. I’m talking 6.2-9.0 on the emotional/mental/spiritual richter scale. Of course, change doesn’t always equal bad. As in one of our 2008 changes was the birth of little C. That’s a good change, but hey, it’s change in a pretty significant way.
I remember that 2004 was the year we bought our house, had our first child, my Grandma died (first grandparent in a season where three of them passed away within 13 months), Nate changed jobs and our basement started flooding on a regular basis. Sparing the details of what kind of significant changes and circumstances have happened in the last 5 years leads me to this whopping cliche, “Change is the only constant.”
Yep, one thing I feel pretty secure in is knowing that change is inevitable. Change can be enormously wonderful. Change can be disturbing and disruptive. Change can rock the boat so hard that I live just clinging to the life preserver sometimes. Change can add up and get heavy. (Yes, I’m being a doofus and smiling at the thought of the four jars of coins we keep around the house for all our extra coins.)
So what will this next year bring? Change, I’m sure. But like I told my friend, I’m just hoping, longing for the good kind. Whatever that may be. I’ll take a cookie at the very least.
An Issue with Extravagance
I got a little mad at God yesterday. I don’t totally feel guilty saying that just yet. I think God can handle it. I feel guilty for what I’m going to say about why I was a bit irked at God.
It’s all about provision, faithfulness and needs being met. These things have all happened recently, so the guilt I feel is the fact that I really have nothing to complain about. Truly, I could and probably should just shut up because in light of everything that happens to people, on a global scale and on a very minute, look around the neighborhood scale, I know that I am a blessed woman.
I just have my moments. My moment yesterday was the fact that in the last week we have spent just enough on our cars to basically wipe out our meager savings account, minus what we set aside monthly to pay for insurance. Here’s the deal. For the last few years (at least), every time there seems to be a little bit of build-up, a little bit of extra cash (remember those stimulus checks or tax refunds?) headed our way, something happens. That something is usually mechanical, with our cars winning out in this competition among inanimate but oh-so-useful objects. Tires, brakes, alternator, exhaust system/mufflers, etc. One time earlier this year, it was our washer. It wouldn’t spin out all the water. It cost $300 for the computer chip to be replaced. Frigginpieceofcrapcomputerchip.
When I am having a good moment, my perspective sounds like this: “Hmmm. So in other words, every time we have an ‘extra’ need, ‘extra’ pressure financially…it is taken care of.” Yes, that is true. Truetruetruetruetrue. So true. In my good moments, I’m deeply grateful for the moment of swiping the card or writing the check and knowing we will still eat well for the next month, and then I move on.
So, in a time where my paycheck has been cut once again recently, we could have actually found ourselves needing to put all our recent car expenditures on the credit card. (Which to my husband, this is basically like surrendering to the plague or some wretched disease. It is not an option as it only brings stress and excruciating consequences of mental anguish at the very least.) But we basically have the exact amount we need to cover everything in savings. Good, right?
Yes, good. But I had a little temper tantrum about it yesterday morning. Something about “just getting by” even if it is by supernatural provision and blessing somehow irritated me. Ugh. This is me in all my honestuglyself-ness.
I sat on my bed and thought, “I’m having a hard time with this because at some point I want to feel like there is an abundance of something. And right now, I want an abundance in our savings account.”
I’m tired of financial stuff like this defining my understanding of abundant life and God’s extravagant love and blessings. I think it has been hanging around in me, coming out in all sorts of mishmashed behaviors and thoughts that aren’t healthy. Yet I have moments where I can list pages and pages in my journal of the miraculous provisions of the last year, and years before that even. Lets talk about humbling, here… it’s truly amazing. I have an a m a z i n g husband, family and community. My mother-in-law was diagnosed with Stage IV non-Hodgkins lymphoma a year ago, and her health and healing is miraculous. There are significant people in my life experiencing remarkable life transformation that are evidence of God’s faithfulness and extravagant love and care for His children. I have found myself professionally and personally in a place of experiencing redemption and restoration in some working relationships, because that is the way God works: with love at His ultimate core.
So why is there something that disconnects when financial issues enter the picture?
It’s almost funny how my last post was about anger. Am I angry with God about the car crap? Am I angry that cars cost money? I’m probably a bit miffed that the money that goes to the old car keeps money from going to a newer car, one from this decade perhaps.
I don’t know if it’s really being angry at God or being angry at myself in a way. I don’t want to notice how cute fall clothes are. I don’t want to inadvertently cyberstalk people I barely (okay don’t at all) know who write about shopping extravaganzas at Anthropologie and Nordstrom and 11 other stores after they had spent the previous weekend picking out interior decor pieces for their newly built home. I don’t want to notice how many great everythings there are at Etsy. I don’t want to fantasize about camera lenses or housecleaning services. I don’t want to feel societal pressure to have a thoroughly coordinated (complete with handmade gift bags to send home with all the kids) birthday party for E next month.
I think my issue with extravagance comes down to what I want my definition of extravagance to be and what I experience with God. Can I live from a place of peace (in my mind and heart) when the stuff of life feels more like we are just getting by? Can I be thankful and content in the blessing of constant provision? Can “constant provision” equate to knowing I am abundantly cared for? (Always. No matter what my mechanic tries to tell me.) And then, can my attitude toward God be one of extravagant love, adoration and thanks returned to Him?
…
The Little Things
Our prayer time with the ‘prayer team’ was awesome.
In my last post I said something about how God is always reaching for me, even if I am not reaching for Him. I didn’t mean to say it, I was just blog-babbling, with my thoughts going from head to keyboard, unedited. I didn’t realize how true it is, was, and will always be. The prayer time was a demonstration of His reach toward me (towards us, really) – it was amazing, humbling, beautiful, tender and powerful.
First, I want to say that it is such an incredible thing to be part of a church body where people are committed to seeking and listening for God, specifically for other people. Maybe I just haven’t paused to think about the power of intercessory prayer enough. But I usually associate intercessory prayer as something much more private, and therefore, powerful in that particular way. I was humbled that five people (some who are dear friends, some who are more acquaintances) would spend HOURS (which included preparation, not just the actual prayer time together) to come meet with us, listen, ask questions, listen some more and then purposefully seek revelation and truth from God for us. Nothing was for them. They were listening to God to receive something to give it away. There were moments that I truly felt like they were warriors fighting for us. They weren’t fighting for them, for us. It’s still indescribable, even though I have tried a few sentences. It was a gift of service and love that helped me to have a deeper understanding of what service and love is about in the powerful act of prayer.
So one of the things I know I needed, as I even blogged about hours before our prayer time together, was the desire and capacity to see God, have His vision or have a vision FOR Him, in the little things.
Can I just say that God’s faithfulness to respond so swiftly is …
… seen in the way that a smile creeps slowly across Calum’s face, where it starts with a little glimmer in his eyes. Daily I spend hours upon hours with this little thing smiling this sometimes devious, sometimes pure delight, smile up at me. It brings joy just to even envision it right now.
… experienced in the drive from Sherwood to Newberg yesterday morning after an “unsuccessful” yet unimportant outing to Target. The sun was already warm on our skin. I made a kickin’ new playlist that we turned on and r o c k e d out to…it included Eli’s special request of “That’s Not My Name” and some of my new-ish faves. One of those songs is “Maps” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. It rocks. (Literally, I think it’s one of the tracks to play along to on Rock Band or Guitar Hero.) The cool chick singer Karen O belts out the chorus, “They don’t love you like I love you.” Eli and I sang this to each other, rocking out on 99W. The best part? Hours later … sitting at the dining room table, Eli points at me all intense and crafty and says, “They don’t love you like I love you!”
… inspiration that hit early today. After two weeks of NyQuil induced sleep at night, my body has slogged through the morning hours. 8am wake ups have felt like it may as well have been 4am, with a complete and utter sense of being out of it. This morning, the sun crept in through the french door that was open in our bedroom, and I woke up at 6:15am refreshed, despite six hours of sleep. My mind was clear and bottom line is this, I had a moment of creativity and inspiration for something that first of all, had room to come in, and second, to actually dwell and play in my mind. It was nice, the way an unexpected bouquet of flowers or flattering compliment is nice to receive.
I’m savoring and sharing these little big things in the hopes that there are more for all of us in the days ahead.
A Reflection on Humility
Today I heard a definition of humility that I had never heard before. Perhaps the context of the conversation, especially in light of where I am at spiritually, emotionally, etc., is for thinking about another time. (Naptime is about over anyway.) It’s worth pondering.
Humility is “hearing God’s voice and doing what He says.”
Part of the interesting context for me today is that tonight Nate and I are meeting with our church community’s “Spiritual Renewal Team” – a prayer team that takes very seriously the responsibility and gift to specifically seek insight and revelation from God for intercessory purposes. Last night I actually got nervous as I thought about meeting with the group. It’s because I know how dried up I feel. Sure, I’ve been sick with what has felt like the flu for the last week – but my spiritual well being has been off for much longer. It’s really an intimacy with God thing that has been lacking…as in, I haven’t made time with Him a priority. If we could apply the Five Love Languages model to our relationship, I would say that Quality Time has been completely off the radar. Just as in any healthy relationship, lack of something as significant as quality time means the relationship suffers. This is just the plain and simple nutshell version of something that obviously goes much deeper than a blog post in blogland. (And it’s really not to be Debbie Downer, either.)
So here’s the cool thing. Picture a sandwich. Doesn’t matter what kind, as long as there are two pieces of bread. My stuff is the filling of the sandwich, like my ‘empty tank’. And my nervousness to come before a group of people that could call out the reality of the rather dismal state of my internal well-being, my lack of discipline, my ‘lukewarm’ attitude on some things, my struggles with selfish desires…
God is sandwiching that stuff in two thoughts, truths even, to help me to see Him in this process and even in the preparation to hear Him tonight. He is always reaching for me, even when I am not reaching for Him.
This new definition of humility to consider is one part of it. Hearing and obeying…but it starts with hearing.
The second is this random reading from Oswald Chambers (My Utmost…) which I read about an hour after hearing the above mentioned nugget on humility.
“Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint. (Proverbs 29:18). … Once we lose sight of God, we begin to be reckless. We cast off certain restraints from activities we know are wrong. We set prayer aside as well and cease having God’s vision in the little things of life. We simply begin to act on our own initiative. If we are eating only out of our own hand, and doing things solely on our initiative without expecting God to come in, we are on a downward path. We have lost the vision. Is our attitude today an attitude that flows from our vision of God? Are we expecting God to do greater things than He has ever done before? Is there a freshness and vitality in our spiritual outlook?”
My attention is piqued. The nervousness is dissipating to anticipation. This is a good thing.
