Posts filed under ‘Discipleship’
Necessary & Unnecessary: Lent Day #1
Today marks the beginning of Lent. I trust that if you are reading here, you have the ability to learn about the history, purpose and meaning behind the season since we all know how to Google something. 
I grew up Catholic, so Lent was marked by Fridays of those nasty breaded fish sticks and fries for dinner. When I really embraced following Christ on my own, I can’t say that I did much to embrace the discipline of the season. It really has been only the last couple years that the thought of intentionally engaging in the meaning and practice of the season has tugged at my heart and mind.
This year is the right year, this year is the right season of life to challenge myself to follow through on those thoughts and nudges. There have been many challenges personally in the past year and especially recent months (and great things to celebrate) but for some reason I am stirred to act and participate in this historically transformative season in a very personal way. I guess if I’m already in the throes of challenges, difficult processes and changes, then why not work on some more core issues?
I know many people look at Lent as a time of giving something(s) up, ultimately a practice of intentional sacrifice that hopefully clears some space for some more intentional prayer and thoughtfulness to Christ’s life and sacrifice. The choices these days seem to be giving up Facebook (a wonderful time-waster), sugar/desserts, lattes, TV, etc. I know I could have done any and all of those things and I would have felt the pain of sacrifice for 40 days. But yesterday I really wanted to take some time to pray about the heart of the issues in my life and hear if there was something more or different that God wanted to reveal to me.
Since I’m third trimester pregnant, the idea of giving up and cutting out any kind of food for good sounded like trouble because it sounded like a recipe for failure and emotional disasters. I laughed when over breakfast Nate said we could give up sugar, and I almost asked him if he wanted to see me without sugar these next 6 weeks. I know theoretically it would be an absolutely fantastic idea that my midwife would probably support, as would my growing belly and butt, but come on. A pregnant hormotional woman without the hope of a scoop of ice cream at the end of the day of growing a child, parenting two young boys, working and doing life? That’s not just sacrifice for me – ALL would have to agree to that kind of sacrifice.
So anyway, I resorted to making a list. On my list were things I could actually do more of – like daily affirmations of others for instance. The things I could do less of or cut out all had to do with ”unnecessary things.” As soon as I stumbled on the word “unnecessary” and saw the pattern in my list of “unnecessary” things, I knew that was what I needed to be thinking about and focusing on for this season.
I realized I have a lot of areas of life where if I put into practice the idea of evaluating first “Is this necessary?” than I might really be surprised and challenged. It also reminded me of the teaching of Paul from Ephesians 4:
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”
This is my list of “The Unnecessary Stuff”:
- Unnecessary internet surfing
- Food choices – pop, candy, crappy food, those extra sweets that a pregnant woman can far too easily justify having in excess
- Shopping
- Grocery shopping – going with the “Pantry Principle” here. Use what I have, shop minimally (milk, fruits/veggies, bread) and only go buy food that I need when I need it. Even if I am really excited to try a new recipe or make an old favorite, is it necessary if I am fully capable of making meals with what we have on hand?
- Excessive TV time
- Worry
- Talking about people or situations in a way that doesn’t reveal truth. – I tend to think too highly of my opinion and want to share it. Basically I need to practice putting on a muzzle.
My initial thoughts are if I more intentionally focus or practice evaluating what is necessary – in simple choices and actions, in relational situations, in challenging situations – then it clears some space for the truth of Paul’s teaching in Ephesians 4 to take root and bear fruit in my life. I wonder what else I will recognize in my life as over-indulgences or areas that I can listen for the promptings of “do this – it’s necessary” or “don’t, it’s not necessary.”
And since my boys are starting to howl at each other and C is doing the potty dance, it is necessary to be done.
A Reflection on Humility
Today I heard a definition of humility that I had never heard before. Perhaps the context of the conversation, especially in light of where I am at spiritually, emotionally, etc., is for thinking about another time. (Naptime is about over anyway.) It’s worth pondering.
Humility is “hearing God’s voice and doing what He says.”
Part of the interesting context for me today is that tonight Nate and I are meeting with our church community’s “Spiritual Renewal Team” – a prayer team that takes very seriously the responsibility and gift to specifically seek insight and revelation from God for intercessory purposes. Last night I actually got nervous as I thought about meeting with the group. It’s because I know how dried up I feel. Sure, I’ve been sick with what has felt like the flu for the last week – but my spiritual well being has been off for much longer. It’s really an intimacy with God thing that has been lacking…as in, I haven’t made time with Him a priority. If we could apply the Five Love Languages model to our relationship, I would say that Quality Time has been completely off the radar. Just as in any healthy relationship, lack of something as significant as quality time means the relationship suffers. This is just the plain and simple nutshell version of something that obviously goes much deeper than a blog post in blogland. (And it’s really not to be Debbie Downer, either.)
So here’s the cool thing. Picture a sandwich. Doesn’t matter what kind, as long as there are two pieces of bread. My stuff is the filling of the sandwich, like my ‘empty tank’. And my nervousness to come before a group of people that could call out the reality of the rather dismal state of my internal well-being, my lack of discipline, my ‘lukewarm’ attitude on some things, my struggles with selfish desires…
God is sandwiching that stuff in two thoughts, truths even, to help me to see Him in this process and even in the preparation to hear Him tonight. He is always reaching for me, even when I am not reaching for Him.
This new definition of humility to consider is one part of it. Hearing and obeying…but it starts with hearing.
The second is this random reading from Oswald Chambers (My Utmost…) which I read about an hour after hearing the above mentioned nugget on humility.
“Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint. (Proverbs 29:18). … Once we lose sight of God, we begin to be reckless. We cast off certain restraints from activities we know are wrong. We set prayer aside as well and cease having God’s vision in the little things of life. We simply begin to act on our own initiative. If we are eating only out of our own hand, and doing things solely on our initiative without expecting God to come in, we are on a downward path. We have lost the vision. Is our attitude today an attitude that flows from our vision of God? Are we expecting God to do greater things than He has ever done before? Is there a freshness and vitality in our spiritual outlook?”
My attention is piqued. The nervousness is dissipating to anticipation. This is a good thing.
The “S” Words
Here it goes again, some sort of inter-connectedness in the blogosphere. I write in the middle of a day where I have errands to run, a meal to prepare for part of our small group gathering tonight and two small boys to care for. A busy day, but a good day. And what is the subject for tonight’s small group with three other couples? “Simplicity” – as we have been reading through Richard Foster’s “Celebration of Discipline” and studying each theme through the book and corresponding scripture. And what just popped up as the topic over at The Mommy Revolution? A conversation about a book that focuses on rest, the Sabbath and simplicity. Yes, interesting timing indeed.
So first, where does the idea of a Sabbath come from? Oh that’s right, the Ten Commandments. The commandments that happen to list both observing a Sabbath and not worshiping any other gods (as well as a few other oh-so-important things.) Interestingly, in Exodus 31, it is also where Moses received the instructions for building the Tabernacle. I am inspired by the connection between the theme of worship and this reinforcement of the idea of a necessary rest or Sabbath. Exodus 31: 12-13 says, “Then the LORD said to Moses, “Say to the Israelites, ‘You must observe my Sabbaths. This will be a sign between me and you for the generations to come, so you may know that I am the LORD, who makes you holy.”
I am created and called to worship, to the point that my acts of worship include creating and constructing and doing (just as the Israelites were put to work creating the Tabernacle). But I see two warnings given in the commands about worship, to not worship false gods and to observe a Sabbath. BOTH of those things will glorify God and both of those things will make it so that I know that the Lord is God.
Apparently, I am the one who first needs to rightly acknowledge, believe and act as if God is God and I am not. A day of rest, a day of not doing all the things that I ‘need’ to proudly cross off my to-do list is one of the most significant ways that I can teach myself about the proper ordering when it comes to me and the Creator God of the universe, the Keeper of all space and time. Okay, so I guess I can ease up a bit on my trusty little governing notebook filled with my lists, goals, projects and ideas.
So, observing a Sabbath has ultimately the same effect on my life as the choice and actions of worshiping false gods. For me, in this case, the false god that I am worshiping when I do not observe a day of rest (from the notebook) is ME. Whether it is a control issue, a self-sufficiency issue or an identity issue, all depends on the day and the circumstance, and sometimes it is an unholy mixture of all three. If I am too tightly bound to whatever it is that I need to accomplish and do with my time, I not only find myself exhausted, crabby, unfulfilled and discouraged, but I ultimately do a severe disservice to my children and my husband and any other person who I have a relational impact on. At that point, I am no longer modeling living a life set-apart for God, but I am actually refusing to ‘know’ the Lord the way that He wants me to know Him.
I already have enough control/self-sufficiency/identity issues to work through. This is one significant area where I can make a choice to simplify in action, which in turn helps break through some nasty, unhealthy thought habits. I had a friend tell me once (and that’s all I needed for it to stick in my brain): “We don’t even think of committing murder, so why would we disregard the commandment about resting and taking a Sabbath?” I have thought many times since about this and the power of what I pass on to my kids. I will tell them how bad it is to murder, lust, worship power-money-false gods, but I will live a life of no-rest-all-productivity before them? That’s just not going to work.
So my husband and I choose days to not clean up the toys scattered about the house, to not fret about dinner and eat pancakes, to stay in our pajamas until 3pm, and to step away from the Type A personality habits that otherwise drive our days. This has helped me enormously in the last year after the birth of my second son. These simple outward steps help me overcome the huge mental hurdles that resist such perceived “unproductiveness.”
In stealing from Jim Collins “Good to Great”, sometimes Nate and I will say to each other when frantic discouragement starts to set in, or on days where one of us starts looking about with a bewildered sense of “must do, must do, must do” (think Gollum and his precious):
“So you have a lot on your to-do list. What’s on your NOT to-do list?”
Often times, the first answer will be “I do not need or want to stress and freak out if one or two things that I want to do does not actually get done.” Of course, it is always easier said than done. But, truly it helps in hovering near sanity. (And then it frees me up to impromptu blog posts, too.)
I know that much of the discussion for moms can be about taking care of children and the demands of maintaining a sense of order and well-being for our homes. We all have different standards of what defines chaos, or even survival for that matter. But I think that ultimately, we can all find areas of our life where we can abide by the defined terms for rest. My version of rest is going to look much different than someone who doesn’t have small children in the house, or who is single, or who is living in retirement. But, I just have a hunch that since it is part of God’s original commandments (which were pre-technology, pre-industrial age, pre-television) that He can lead us to a place of rest that fits each of us just right whether it is physical, mental, emotional or spiritual.
Rest:
|
1. |
the refreshing quiet or repose of sleep: a good night’s rest. |
|
2. |
refreshing ease or inactivity after exertion or labor: to allow an hour for rest. |
|
3. |
relief or freedom, esp. from anything that wearies, troubles, or disturbs. |
|
4. |
a period or interval of inactivity, repose, solitude, or tranquillity:to go away for a rest. |
|
5. |
mental or spiritual calm; tranquillity. |
|
6. |
cessation or absence of motion: to bring a machine to rest. |
During December’s Arctic Blast, I had the pleasure of absorbing myself in the book “Eat Pray Love”. I have already tried to convince you to read it, but in case you haven’t taken the hint, I will end by borrowing a page from that book, during a time when the writer, Elizabeth Gilbert is living in Italy.
“(My sister and I) were taught to be dependable, responsible, the top of our classes at school, the most organized, efficient babysitters in town, the very miniature models of our hardworking famer/nurse of a mother, a pair of junior Swiss Army knives, born to multitask. We had a lot of enjoyment in my family, a lot of laughter, but the walls were papered with to-do lists and I never experienced or witnessed idleness, not once in my whole entire life.
Generally speaking, though, Americans have an inability to relax into sheer pleasure. Ours is an entertainment-seeking nation, but not necessarily a pleasure-seeking one. Americans spend billions to keep themselves amused from porn to theme parks to wars, but that’s not exactly the same thing as quiet enjoyment. Americans work harder and longer and more stressful hours than anyone in the world today. But as Luca Spaghetti pointed out, we seem to like it. Alarming statistics back this observation up, showing that many Americans feel more happy and fulfilled in their offices than they do in their own homes. Of course, we all inevitably work too hard, then we get burned out and have to spend the whole weekend in our pajamas, eating cereal straight out of the box and staring at the TV in a mild coma (which is the opposite of working, yet, but not exactly the same thing as pleasure). Americans don’t really know how to do nothing. This is the cause of that great sad American stereotype – the overstressed executive who goes on vacation but who cannot relax.
I once asked Luca Spaghetti if Italians on vacation have that same problem. He laughed so hard he almost drove his motorbike into a fountain.”
“Jump Up and Down” Good
I am a passionate person, and I wouldn’t say that I am reserved, but I am also a grown woman who doesn’t usually jump up and down to show my excitement or enthusiasm for something in particular. “Jump up and down good” is my reference point since that is what I see/hear/feel my four year old do quite often to express his complete delight at ________ (insert: approval of a household wrestling match/a trip to the beach/being told he gets to spend the night at Grandma’s house, etc.))
I see it because there is flailing involved. I hear it because squeals and shouts accompany it. I feel it because we have hardwood floors and the place shakes when 35 pounds of boy jump.
So it doesn’t necessarily have to be jumping up and down for everyone, but it’s something like that, some sort of physical, mental, emotional take-over of your whole being that represents you agreeing (in all of those ways) with something else outside of you. For me “jump up and down” good means it’s really, really good. The kind of good that gets me so excited that I want to share it and make the floors shake so you can know that I mean good.
Wow, so that’s a lot of build up, right???
Right.
But see, I’ve had two jump and down good moments in the last 24 hours and they both came from something I read. So since I read them, I can share them, which is what I am dedicating this post to…I guess it’s my way of squealing and shouting “YOU’VE GOT TO READ THIS AND THINK ABOUT THIS AND ISN’T IT PROVOKING AND THOUGHTFUL AND INSPIRING AND AFFIRMING…” and all that kind of stuff. Yes, ALL CAPS because remember, I am jumping up and down.
(Deep breath, exhale….whew.)
Yes. I really like reading and I especially like reading things that stir up my brain and heart simultaneously. For me, this type of convergent inspiration is more rare than I would like it to be. (Cheers to smart people who can say things that need to be said, for starting conversations and for taking time to think about and then articulate some truths really well!)
First one: “Is Motherhood a Calling?” over at The Mommy Revolution.
Second one: “Small Wonders” by Tom Sine over at Leadership Journal.
One last thing. I know that these two articles meant a lot to me because of what I have been spending a great deal of time thinking about as well as writing about lately. As I enter my seventh year of being on staff at our church, I have never been so passionate and ready for something to unleash, some specific conversations to collectively be had, for some bold steps of action and faith to be taken and for some things in our community to be shaken up yet realigned. (And it’s starting, but that’s all for another day’s post.)
So I read the “Small Wonders” article last night (so did my husband) and Nate and I looked at each other with smiles and big eyes and I wanted to jump up and down. It’s inspiring to me when God reminds me that He’s in charge and He’s the one blowing through this place (“this place” being His church, my brain, other people’s brains, other communities, etc…) and I’m excited because I am actually catching some of what He’s saying and doing.
So take that and add to it that today, I shared with one of our pastors my 7 page (10 pt. font, single space except between paragraphs) “Ministry Calling Evaluation” where I was asked to describe the kind of “Call” I have to ministry. It’s a document Nate and I both have been working on (individual papers, though) for the last two months. Heck yeah I talk about being a mom and wife and if a call is to a circumstance/role/vocation or a way of life! So then tonight, I read this post and I had a “jump up and down” kind of moment again.
I don’t expect you to jump and down with me, but that’s the great thing about jump up and down moments. The jumper doesn’t care what anyone else thinks because the jumper is only concerned with the reason for jumping with excitement in the first place.
I hope you have a reason to jump sometime soon. It’s invigorating.
— And here’s a freebie just in case these articles are yawners: I also read the book “Eat Pray Love” (finally) last month. If that doesn’t hit the spot, then I don’t know what else to say. Good luck to you. —
Transplant Shock – One Year Later
Last May, I wrote about my little blue groundcover, root hacking and the resulting transplant shock I witnessed in the plant and in my own life. I revisit this because it is a new season.
My little plant survived. It is thriving. I have even received compliments about that particular corner area of our yard, which happens to be in the front for all to see when you are coming or going through our intersection.
I re-read my original post, “Transplant Shock” because as this spring and sun has finally appeared I can’t help but think about who I am today compared to who I was one year ago.
I remembered the distressing process that is described as basically unavoidable for plants, especially plants that are being moved from one ground location to another. I recall how many reference points to the root system there are when a plant is showing signs of transplant shock. Like how roots have to re-establish themselves, which is basically an invisible, below-the-surface process that leaves the above ground plant looking withered and lifeless.
I remembered how my groundcover had survived a few years in its original location, yet it stayed the same size as when I originally planted it. In one years time, it has already doubled its visible size – as in, I can’t help but wonder how much more extensive its root system is now…
I learned a lot from my plant…
This little plant did not belong in the location it was previously in – it had to work for every inch of growth considering the conditions were not the kind that it needed to really grow and thrive. It was surviving, barely. This plant is meant for a full sun location, which is where it was moved to…but still, wilting?!?
My root system was cut and now I must re-establish another adequate system to adapt to this new location. Perhaps I should find some confidence and peace from God because He sees me as a ‘plant’ with stamina and vigor to withstand this shock and recovery period. Perhaps.
So my plant has grown. What about me?
What I didn’t know in May 2007 was what re-establishing another adequate system would end up looking like. My short-sightedness considered my new location to be our new church community, new jobs, and even the new baby that we were hoping for (and soon discovered was on his way.) But God has mercifully revealed His definition of what it means to be re-established.
I was looking at my circumstances as the new places to dig into, to find strength, nourishment, growth…to thrive. God simply wanted me to dig into Him…to reach further in faith, to dig deeper into His truth, to depend more completely on Him for sustenance and provision of every physical, emotional, spiritual and mental need. Yes, there are new circumstances where I have found His provision. Our new church community has been like one of the houses of healing from Lord of the Rings…where people have wrapped their arms and prayers and friendship around our family. New job roles have been rewarding and inspiring. New opportunities have abounded for Nate and I to lean into each other for strength, encouragement, understanding and perspective.
Circumstances can change in one moment, one day, one year. But that’s just it, they are temporary. I have spent far too much of my life figuring out how to live based on the circumstances that I am in rather than simply how to live, how to grow, how to thrive based on the truth about who God is and what He is about. He is about life…abundant life, in fact. So I have learned more profoundly than ever before, that the place He wants me to grow is not so much a circumstantial place as it is in Him.
In May 2007 I almost sarcastically referenced finding peace and confidence in Him because He thinks that I could withstand transplant shock. In May 2008, I tell you that peace and confidence are two of the gifts that He has given me throughout the last year.
So much so that we would name our son, Calum, which can translate to “peace” – a name that was clearly chosen by the Lord for our family.
So much so that I had the opportunity to teach at church on Mother’s Day about the truth of our identity…something that in May 2007, I could not have believed, let alone define.
In May 2007, my unexpected identity crisis which went along with my transplant shockedness wondered about losing touch with myself and who God created me to be. In May 2008, I can say that I know that I know that I know…as in, I know it deep within…that these words I wrote then were truth that He would use to nourish me…
God is a God of restoration and healing. He is the Creator, the Life-Giver. He is a God of second chances. I was thankful to be reminded that my current circumstance that feels like a certain kind of atrophy, some loss right now, does not mean my opportunities to serve and use what He has given is lost forever.
Back in the day, as in, the Old Testament days, God’s people would build altars and such to remember, to physically remember what the Lord had done, how He had helped or rescued or revealed Himself to them. There would also be battle scars that would serve to remind people of encounters with God, like Jacob’s limp from his night of stubborn wrestling.
There are other reminders that I have about seasons that have passed, but my beautiful blue star flowers…they are like my little altar out there. Growing, reaching, thriving.
My Self
Life is happening all around me. Everywhere I look and listen, I see and hear real life situations that have left me thinking a lot these days. My family, my friends, my church community, people I barely know – we are all in it. What is “it”, exactly? As I told my friend Olivia today, it is the realization that we are really here, right now, living through what we are living through…as odd or sad or frustrating or challenging or new as it is, this is life. It’s like the opposite of the Truman Show. It’s just raw and what it is. Lately I’ve been thinking, in one tone or another, “This is what I’ve got to work with…”
Perhaps that sounds heavy and as gray as the rainclouds that simply refuse to leave. (Which, I seriously wonder if that is part of the problem around the Northwest these days.) I suppose there is a sense of seriousness to this train of thought, because it has something to do with how I value the days that I have, especially when there are so many circumstances that are out of my control. It’s about valuing the time I have with the people I have in my life. Or just simply, valuing people above everything else. This is something that I know I don’t do well enough and I am ready to change about me. I can’t change who I am (an INTJ by the way, Aj) but I can see how who I am has gotten in the way of who Jesus created me to be. And at almost 30, I am ready to be more of the woman that Jesus created me to be.
The Lord has been gently speaking to me about habits and attitudes and actions that need some transformation, especially as it has to do with how many times my ‘self’ has been priority number one instead of valuing people. (Perhaps some of this has come because that nasty little ‘self’ voice has been throwing pity parties during this time of having a new baby and a three year old who often leaves us baffled wondering where our real son went. Nasty little self voice wants a clean and pretty house, nasty little self voice wants to go to go shopping, nasty little self voice is tired of tears that aren’t mine. Whine whine whine.) So I am selfish and yet I am a blessed woman with a community of people who love me, despite me.
So why is this, valuing people the way Jesus wants me to value people, so difficult for me?
I recently read something great in a book about the Enneagram, another personality discovery ‘test’ out there. This book is written for the Christian perspective on the Enneagram, so it deals with our identity in light of God our Creator, and a whole bunch of other stuff like sin-nature and redemption. But here is what I will share for now…
…In our thirties…up till now everything has worked out so well; we can give people the impression we are ‘cool’ or ‘witty’ or ‘the serious, reflective student.’ Up till now we have fixated on this self-image and led others to fixate on it. … If someone has kept busy up to the age of forty cultivating this image, it will be very difficult to change. At the same time it becomes increasingly clearer that the whole thing no longer adds up. What was pleasure becomes a burden. That is why this moment in the middle of life harbors the great opportunity — as difficult as it is — to reflect critically on what has previously been achieved, to change, to become more mature, wiser, and more integrated.
There is nothing people are so fixated on as on their self-image. We are literally prepared to go through hell just so we don’t have to give it up. It determines most of what we do or don’t do, say or don’t say, what we occupy ourselves with and what we don’t. The question is: Do I have the freedom to be anything other than this role and this image?
When we have to deal with God, the Great Lover, then we have to change. For the Great Lover, in His imaginative way, opens our eyes to how rich and diverse our life can be and is, so that the game we have been playing up till then suddenly becomes very boring. Such games limit love’s possibilities. They prevent the Great Love from reaching us. (He says)…”Let go! You don’t need that! You are God’s dear daughter! You are God’s dear son — this is crucial.” Our identity is primarily established through this relationship and is not something we have to protect, define and defend. – Richard Rohr
I like how in this passage I am reminded that my protecting or valuing of my self is what limits love’s possibilities in my life, especially my own ability to be a lover of people. I will always be an organized, control-loving, intuitive, thinking introvert, but that doesn’t mean I can’t love people. For my friends and family who read this, know that this is where I am at, daily trying to do it a little better, live a little more Grace-full, a little more self-less.
The Word is/and “Consistency”
Yesterday I was working on putting together an overview of our church’s ‘goals’ for the year. It covered the things we will be talking about and living out this year, collectively, individually and within our wider community of the Southside of Newberg.
One of the reasons I like our Pastor is because he is realistic. He has three things on his mind that will be the focus for this year. I can remember three things for 12 months. Sure, they are ginormous in their implications…but three is good.
You’ll see what I mean.
So the very first one has to do with increasing our personal time spent in God’s Word and in the act of devotion. We had such a unique church service on December 30th that was the beginning of this intentional focus. Nate thought the practicality of it was great. As much as I like thought-provoking, inspirational and creative times of corporate worship, I have to agree that practical was really motivating.
First, we gave out Life Journals, these journals that come complete with a Bible Reading Plan inside, as well as an outline of ‘how to use this journal’ for people who are not much into the reflective or just need some guidance.
Side note: I think years back I would have rebelled and thought this to be cheesy, rigid, formulaic or anything else I could think of to be critical. Then God reminded me that we humans struggle with independence and pride. I was also reminded that God gave very, very practical and pointed instructions throughout both the Old and New Testament about how He wants us to come to Him, to worship, to build His temple, to follow His lead, to pray, etc. So, a few years back when I first encountered a Life Journal, I let go of my critical spirit and (gasp) had a season of more meaningful devotion time because there was some clear guidance about how to stay reading the Word on a daily basis!
Okay, back to the practical church service…
After everyone had a Life Journal, we talked about the power of God’s Word. We talked about how people are constantly facing situations where we can learn the hard way or learn an ‘easier’ way, and how in the Bible there are stories of people who learned both ways, and we can learn from them. We talked about how God wants to speak to us, and we aren’t always good listeners, but His Word is a surefire way to move closer in the direction of being a listener when He has rich truth to speak into our lives.
Then, we all had a time of quiet to read, to reflect, to journal, to find a gem of truth for our day. So here we were in church, all reading Genesis 1, in quietness and purpose. I couldn’t help but think about how Jesus must have felt at the time. I remember my classrooms as a child, when we would all be set about doing our math or something, and the teacher would walk around the room and watch us work, or be available for questions, or give an extra smile of encouragement to one who needed to know that they were on the right track. It was a very cool moment for our church body.
Then, after this prolonged time of reading and reflecting, Jeff shared what he had received as instruction, what he learned and what he wanted to apply in his life from the Scripture. Then we prayed for these seeds to be watered in each of us.
I was inspired because the actual doing of what Jeff was teaching stirred in me a deep hunger for more. I wanted 10 more minutes, at least. It was better than talking about it and then going home and thinking, “yeah, I should start that tomorrow morning!” A practical, yet still inspiring service is possible.
The thing about the act of doing ‘daily devotions’ that we keep talking about in the weeks since, is the fact that we performance oriented people tend to get really freakish about consistency. For one thing, starting something is really difficult. Then following through can be a huge dilemma. If we do it for a day or two, we feel great, like WE are accomplishing something and aren’t WE so good. Then, we get busy or tired or forgetful, and we don’t come back to the Word for two days, or maybe even two weeks. Then we are done. We give up. We think, “I’m too far behind. I’ve got all of Genesis and Exodus to read and..and…” Panic sets in. Failure and defeat sets in.
I’ll paraphrase Jeff’s teaching here, but how about instead of this roller coaster of emotions, we just pick up our Bible, get our journal, whether it’s for 10 minutes or 30 minutes or an hour, and we read God’s Word? Instead of trying to make up for all the lost time, just meet God in that moment, because THAT is the point. He wants to commune and speak with us All Of The Time, so it’s not about those two days or two weeks or two months that we’ve been away. He wants us right now with Him.
So for our church, we are working on the “CONSISTENCY” of being with God in His Word and in devotions. It’s not about a daily check off, and the sense of pride and failure that can get wrapped up in that word. It’s about being a people and community of consistency when it comes to listening and seeking God through reading His Word.
For me, this has been great teaching, a great reminder and a great opportunity to have some moments of intimacy with my Lord and Teacher. I have had quite a few moments of awe, of awareness at the power of words. I’ve been awed and humbled especially thinking about my words and my actions compared to God’s Words, His promises, His guidance and faithfulness to His people; His actions that reveal His love and power and that ultimately fulfill His words. A M A Z I N G.
There are also some inspiring, “God was in this” things that have come together in our church because people are reading some of the same stories in Scripture. It reminds me that His Word has the power to bring unity to His people.
Ahhhh…I think this is enough for today. There is so much more to think upon, but I am so grateful that He gave us His guide, His Word to be a way to learn about Him. I’m thankful for practical teaching that can help focus and lead me, as I am reminded how deeply I love His Word.
* * *
“As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”
Isaiah 55:10-11
“My mother and brothers are those who hear God’s word and put it into practice.” – Jesus (Luke 8:22)
From the Inside Out
“A thousand times I’ve failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I’m caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out…”
- Hillsong United, 2006
I was listening to this song early in the morning this week. On my iPod when you select the playlist of “25 Most Played” songs, this is the #1 song. So in other words, I’ve listened to it a few times. However, I haven’t listened to it much in recent days, so this week, it re-connected in my heart and mind. It’s all part of how the Holy Spirit has been generously at work breathing something fresh and transforming into my life lately. (*Amen*)
I’ve been thinking about Christmastime and Advent this week. I’ve been thinking about areas in my life where I can engage in some liturgical, traditional practices that are rich with meaning and physical acts of devotion to Christ. How can I do this is in my home with Nate and Eli; and in our church as we plan each Sunday service; and in my own busy-ness of everyday activities? I am burdened, gratefully, because I think as a culture this is a time of year of a lot of routine behavior that can suffocate the meaning and space that Christ wants to occupy as we remember Him. And I think that the Holy Spirit is in the business of encouraging me to live a bit more counter-cultural these days.
Part of the encouragement came for me as I reflected on the words (and powerful music) of this song, “From the Inside Out.” Words and concepts like “everlasting”, “when all else fades”, “the art of losing myself in bring You praise…”
It’s so cliche to talk about how much we are a “Consumer” society, and this year with tempting kicker-checks and a baby growing within, it becomes that much harder to not want to just consume…things, gifts, tasty food, and stuff that can bring a moment of joy or pleasure. But then I hear the passionate cry of the singer as he sings,
“In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out…”
And I am challenged, encouraged, and motivated to be and do something different with the days that I have to live out what I believe to be true. The Lord is everlasting, worthy, the light of our world, my Forgiveness for the times of failure, and the King that made Himself so low that He would walk this earth, be tempted, be human, be misunderstood, be mistreated, be killed and be resurrected because of His love for each of us.
Simple truths, at times. Doing, living, being “from the inside out…” though is the complicated part. I pray the Holy Spirit continues on in this season of redefining, refining and rejuvenating…
P.S. – The song is from the Hillsong United album, “United We Stand” and is definitely worth getting on iTunes or Amazon or somewhere. Oh, and you can see a YouTube video of the song to hear it – complete with people singing their hearts out off-key and everything 
… but it still stirs me.
Confessions
This fall I have been taking a wonderful class at the George Fox Seminary called, “Knowing Self, Knowing God.” (Nate took the class nearly two years ago, and he loved it, so I figured I’d add one more thing to my plate during my second/third trimester.) Anyway, the class….I’ve learned that even the class name itself is purposeful in ordering”knowing self” before “knowing God.”
So good, so problematic.
One of the first things the professor said is that the purpose of the class is about “formation” not “information.” Interesting. Okay, so some things that I know about me: I am a note-taker, an achiever, and I *love* taking in and processing information. (As in, I check CNN/OregonLive/ESPN.com each about 32 times a day; I love reading people’s blogs; I have about 12 unfinished books stacked next to my bed, etc.) So the idea of listening and learning and processing for the purpose of formation, especially within an academic environment at the Seminary, got to me.
More things I know about me: I love to read, I love to study, I love ‘input’ (both receiving and giving–haha). I love to plan, I love order, structure and organization. (I love organizing our junk drawer and closets, places people other than me and Nate will rarely see.) This order/structure/organization thing covers what I like in my home and also is part of what I like to contribute in my job at our church. Yet, lately, I have really struggled in all of the above because of any combination of a) forgetfulness b) lack of motivation c) procrastination. (Yes, I’ve blogged about this before. Redundant for you, therapeutic/motivating for me.)
I feel like I’m fumbling through the formation process. I really, really don’t like to go to bed at night wondering what I did that was meaningful or impactful (don’t mind my new word) in the areas of life where I have spent my time (or “should” have spent my time) such as being with my son, my husband, my responsibilities at the church, in my relationships with my family and friends.
So I have grand ideas and plans and vision, relating to living out my ministry in my personal life, my family, my home, our church and community. And I am at a frustrating loss in the “making-ambition-reality” department. Is this a lesson on the appropriate definition of productivity, where I need to learn what God’s definition is?
Okay, so here is the tip of the iceberg of where my mind is at…
Silly confessions: I think I actually take my prenatal vitamin every other day, at best. Eli spent Monday afternoon with Grandma Terry so that I could fold two-weeks worth of laundry and not feel guilty about not interacting with him, oh and to have clean clothes in drawers. I have about 6 items on my “to-do” list that have been there since the beginning of October. (I have probably spent as much time physically writing them on the list as it would have taken to accomplish them by now.)
Real Confessions: My last journal entry was probably in July on vacation and before that, I don’t know. I had some morning “quiet time” last week for probably the first time in 2007. (It’s November.) I am scattered when I read the Bible and I find myself reading selfishly, for my head, not my heart. I have struggled to communicate openly with Nate. I find myself quickly impatient with Eli, a lot.
Is this about lowering expectations?
Is this about the constant challenge of knowing and keeping priorities straight?
Is this about being filled up by the Spirit?
Is this about learning how to be in a “valley” season of life?
I almost feel like I know myself too well at times, and that keeps me from knowing God in the ways that long to know Him, daily, deeply, wholly and in a transforming kind of way.
This is good processing. Maybe I’m learning something after all.
